Status Quo

First, things first....did I spell "quo" right? I'm too tired to find out. Let me first tell you that its been a rough week. Everything was smooth sailing for awhile. It was nice calm...just kinda hanging out. Going to work, going to church, you know just being a bachelor. I've been enjoying it bunches. There was even a morning when I woke up and realized, oh wow, I'm over my ex...no really I am. It was a great moment, and one that was a long time coming.

So then all the fun stuff starts happening. It started like this, I met a girl...got close to her, and now we're dating. Then I apply for the full-time position at work that holds the key to finally getting back medical insurance. My friends at work thought I was a shoo-in. (If you read my most recent entry, you found that out not to be the case) Also, as I've been growing closer to the Lord, I've really been trying to trying to find anyone that I know I've hurt, and apologize to them. Why...I dunno. I just figure its the right thing to do. Oh and let me tell you this...I feel like I belong on My Name is Earl. Of course, I've found myself apologizing at work now. Lots of being humbled, I guess. Then someone I've been friends with and in whom I absolutely adore, kinda let the cat out of the bag on some feelings she was dealing with concerning me. Oh my...lots to deal with.

Its all drama...lots of it. However, its hurting me plenty. It hurts to look back and face the things you've done and apologize for them. I've never had a problem doing it, but it still hurts.
The issue with the young lady hurts too, being as though I'm very close to her, yet so far away. I can never seem to be the friend to her that I want to be or that she needs me to be, and in the end, I feel rejected because of it. I guess I simply hope that God uses me in ways I just can't fathom.

Now one more thing...I've been kinda sick for awhile...a couple weeks actually. I've been dealing with alot of pain in my chest, which is a little scary because I've had a heart murmur since I was a child, and it was enough of an issue for the military (isn't it funny that I was in the service for 9 years and they didn't catch it till the end?) to test me on it before I got out. I've got bad genes in this area as well. I won't say I'm scared to go to the doctor, because I'm not, its more like I know I can't afford it. Go figure right?

All of this is happening now...but you know, I'm not really worried. I've made it through alot. I've been through some wars, and even though I've been a bit beaten up in the last couple days I can tell you that I'm blessed. Everything is status quo as far as I'm concerned. I'll be fine.

There was something interesting that happened as church this past Sunday. I was at our Sunday night prayer service when a friend of mine walked up to me and prayed with me...for awhile....like forever. I thought he'd never stop praying for me. Anyways, after he was done he whispered in my ear, "The Lord wants you to know that you're never alone and that he's making a covenant with you that He there will be open heavens between you and Him from now on. You might have to press in a bit, but it's His covenant with you that you'll never be alone. He will always be with you." When my buddy said this, my first thought, well okay, the Bible says in numerous spots He'll never leave us. But what humbled me was that God took the time to communicate to me through my friend to tell me that I'm never alone. Can you fathom that? God taking the time to tell me things I can find in his Word. However, He knew how I was feeling. He know that I was just feeling lost and a bit alone. He knew how to get to me. What a mighty God...what a loving Father. When this all hit me, I just sat there and cried. I cried and said "God, why me? Who am I?" Well the truth is, I'm someone to Him. I'll take that status quo too.