Thoughts – November 30, 2010

I haven’t blogged in awhile, but I figure it’s time to write something. It’s an interesting world we live in this holiday season. The economy is fluttering, sports politics are growing more confounding, and yes, the threat of war is becoming more of a reality than I think people realize. Here’s what’s been on my mind:

1. North Korea – In Bill Clinton’s autobiography “My Life,” he listed North Korea as a higher threat than Iraq. Many people didn’t take that seriously, but I think, in hindsight, he was right. This year the North Koreans allegedly sunk a South Korean ship, and this past weekend they fired on a South Korean island, injuring and killing civilians. They say American-South Korean exercises in the region are provoking war, but in reality, it’s they who are consistently acting to provoke war in the Koreas. It should not surprise anyone if war breaks out at this point, and anyone who thinks the United States would not be a part of it is crazy.
2. Speaking of North Korea, I think the whole WikiLeaks thing is ridiculous and disturbing. What these clowns at WikiLeaks think to be telling the truth is really undermining diplomatic relations with other countries. What good does that do? I hope the Americans responsible for leaking the information are finally found and prosecuted under the maximum strength of the law. There’s a reason these documents were classified. It’s repulsive to me to see a group so carelessly release information like this.
3. President Obama proposed freezing the pay of federal workers yesterday for two years. I wouldn’t have a problem with this if President Obama, congress, and all the employees in his cabinet also had their pay frozen. Their ability to use federal funds to take vacations on the government’s tab should be halted as well. The rest of us have to pay for our own vacations, so should the President and the rest of the government regardless of what party they are in. However, none of this should be happening until Congress cuts back spending first. People shouldn’t be forced to live by a standard because the government that is supposed to be serving us overspends drastically. Fix your own house first, and then ask others to make changes. It doesn’t make sense to place burdens on others when you haven’t solved the root issue. Stop spending. This, combined with stopping Bush-era tax cuts, would hurt the President, not help him. The President and the members of the United States government need to stop treating its citizens as though we are here to serve them. On the contrary, they are elected to serve us.
4. I’ll be very surprised if the United States wins its bid to host the 2022 World Cup on Thursday. They have the best infrastructure to host it, and it made FIFA a ton of money when it hosted the 1994 World Cup, but I honestly believe there is a lot of political garbage going on in the background with FIFA. I’ve come to realize that FIFA is about as corrupt as the IOC is, and that’s not saying much. Don’t be surprised to see Qatar hosting the cup in 2022. It’s a shame really because to everyone’s shock and amazement, the country that spent the most money traveling to South Africa this year for the World Cup was the United States. There is no doubt in my mind that Americans would spend large amounts of their hard-earned money on a World Cup hosted on their soil.
5. I failed to reach my goal of writing fifty thousand words for my novel in November. I just got too busy, and to be honest, I’ve really struggled with writer’s block of late. Trying to weave a good story together is harder than I thought. And actually, I fear it will be terrible (though my wife continues to have confidence in my ability to make this project a success).
6. A friend of mine gave her life back to the Lord recently. I must say I’m so excited to see God work on someone’s heart. If we ever doubt that God is real or maybe debate over His love for us, we only need to take a careful look at what He can do with the human heart. His miracles never cease.
7. Married life is among the most wonderful gifts God can give, but I have to admit, it’s frustrating. But it’s not Jenn that frustrates me. She’s not perfect by any means; she is human after all, but I love her the way she is. However, I’m frustrated with myself. I don’t understand why I do some of the things I do, and I struggle to grasp how she can keep loving a guy that has all these internal issues that go on all the time.

I'll Race You

Yesterday, I competed in the Cincinnati Half-Marathon. It was my first half-marathon, and to be honest, while some people say they love this stuff, I have to say: it hurt! What makes finishing this race so special is that I’ve always struggled to finish projects. I’ve been talking about running a marathon for years and I’ve never competed in one. I’ve always wanted to write a book, and as of yet, I’ve never finished one. I’m a starter, but rarely a finisher. It’s a stigma that I’ve had to deal with for quite a long time, and as a result, I’ve lost plenty of confidence in myself. So how did I become a finisher?

The race had plenty of ups and downs. The goal for the race was to average a ten-minute mile. If I could average ten-minute miles, then I’d finish in two hours and ten minutes. Actually, my goal was to beat CNNSI NFL writer Peter King’s time of two hours and sixteen minutes. I figured if I couldn’t beat a fifty-three-year-old sports writer who’s struggled with his weight and dealt with heart issues, then I had no business running the race. This is meant as no disrespect towards Peter King; in fact, I love his work. But I used him as a motivator. The race started with a group of one thousand eight hundred runners cramped together like sardines (not fun), and in the first mile I settled in to a nice easy run. I just stuck with the pack. Just after the second mile marker, I got my first water stop, and that’s where I had trouble catching my breath for the first time. As I slowed to get water, some people stopped dead in front of me. I almost ran over this little hundred-pound lady that stopped in front of me for water. When I started running again, the combination of coming to that stop plus the cup of water suddenly had me sweating and out of breath. I ran through it and tried to calm down. I hit my first hill soon after that. It was during this point that I found myself wondering if I could finish this race.

At the top of the hill I found myself running through the center of downtown Cincinnati, and with all the scenery I got my pace back and settled down. I started passing people; in fact, I passed a lot of people between miles two and five. Things were smooth: I had no pain, I was breathing well, and I found space between myself and other runners. When we made our turn onto Pete Rose Way at Sawyer Point, I cracked jokes with some of the supporters and yelled out “I love you” to Jenn as I passed her. It was smooth sailing! Well, it was smooth sailing until I got to the mile six marker. I started getting strong pain in my left foot along my pinky toe and up that side of the foot. I had to slow my pace. At this point, I was working on my first gel packet and I was doing well with my breathing, but the pain in my foot was overwhelming. When I passed the mile nine marker, I was very close to walking. Off to my right, a woman pulled off to the side and started stretching out her hamstring. I encouraged her to keep pushing, and when I did that, it seemed like my own pain became easier.

When I reached the mile ten marker, the pain in my foot was gone, but it was too late to pick up the pace. People were passing me then. I was passed by a man pushing a wheelchair, a large amount of middle-aged woman, and a power walker. It was humbling to be passed by people I never expected to be passed by, but I kept going. As I reached the mile eleven marker, I was going through my last gel pack, and I was still keeping my breathing in order. I felt good enough to try and finish strong, and I tried pushing off my left leg to get some speed. It didn’t happen. My left calf cramped up slightly and I spent the next mile and a half trying to find a way to pick up a little speed, but the calf was telling me “no.” With only half a mile left, I just resigned myself to finishing and did what I could to finish. My legs wanted nothing to do with running at this point. When I passed Montgomery Inn, I started seeing others who’d already finished cheering us on. There were more and more of them the closer I got to the finish line. At the finish line, Jenn was waiting for me, and once I crossed I ran into a wall of other runners who’d just finished. I was barely able to stand and a little woozy, but it was over.

This afternoon as I ponder this race and the races we all run, it really puts life in perspective. We all have moments in our lives that it’s hard to breathe and we have to find a way to settle in. We all have our uphill climbs that we traverse in hopes of something better. We have good days when everything goes well and we pass others by. We deal with pain that sometimes cripples us, but when we encourage others suddenly our own pain seems more manageable. Sometimes we have to slow down and simply find a way even when we aren’t a hundred percent, and when our race is over we are greeted by those who have gone before us. When my race is over, I’ll see my grandparents again. I’ll get to hold Grandma in my arms and hear her voice again. I’ll get to hear Granddad tell me how proud of me he is. I’ll get to kneel before the Father and tell Him how much I love Him. When we finish the race, it’s like we’re all part of something special. That’s what it’s like when we live our lives for Christ. It has its ups and downs, but the end reward is worth it.

"For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing." (2 Timothy 4:6-8)

Confession

When I started this blog two-and-a-half years ago, I opened up about many of the things I went through before and during my first marriage. I took anyone who read this blog on a journey with me. I’ve made it a point to be honest about who I am, my struggles, and what I believe in. My goal has always been to use my struggles to help encourage others, yet it seems as though I haven’t done that as much of late. In fact, I haven’t really written anything all that personal in awhile. Some would surely say that’s a good thing, as maybe I got too personal in a public forum, while others might say I’ve strayed from my original goal. Either way, I’ve been quiet, and until recently I didn’t know why. I could blame all the other writing I’ve been doing, or my preparations for starting back at school in January, but none of those would be right. The reality of my situation is that I’ve been hiding internal issues because I didn’t want anyone to read my blog and think I’m a whiner. I didn’t want to appear weak, but in truth, deep down, isn’t that what we all are? So, as my first anniversary creeps ever closer, I have a lot to confess. As always, I hope something good comes from what I write.

Ever since I got out of the military in 2006, I’ve struggled with depression. At first, it was awful. I sat around the apartment for four months gaining weight, growing hair, and sitting in front my computer playing World of Warcraft for hours each day. I couldn’t find a job in Columbus, which demoralized what little self-confidence I had, and I eventually decided to go ahead and finish classes at Ohio State instead. Originally the plan was to go part-time, instead I felt forced to go full-time. I started dealing with all kinds of stomach issues and it only got worse in the fall of 2006 when my grandmother died. With all due respect to the rest of my family, she was the one person I believed had always supported and believed in me. So when she passed away, it crushed me. At this point, I’d pulled away from my wife and, without even realizing it, she’d also pulled away from me. I don’t think she ever really knew what was going on in me. I was just depressed, and it wasn’t one of those depressions where I’d lay in bed all day crying or anything stereotypical like that. It was more like a constant burden on my shoulders that held me in place, feeling sad and alone. In the eighteen months prior to my now-ex-wife leaving, there was little joy coming from me. Instead I put up a façade as much as I could to keep people from getting in.

So why do I give this background now? Well because I’ve realized that I didn’t just struggle with depression in separate bouts after the military and then after my divorce, but it’s been one long struggle. Even now, there are days where I’m happy and playing around with Jenn only to be lost in a depressed world just minutes later. It’s gone away some as I’ve been trying to take a more active approach to combating it - which for me is praying, doing all I can to communicate with Jenn, and writing - but it’s still there from time to time. It comes with no warning, or so I thought. I started realizing that a lot of my depression now comes when I’ve been thinking of my past mistakes, especially in my first marriage and when I make mistakes now with Jenn. To help compensate for those mistakes, I tend to not go after things I want, and instead give in when Jenn desires something opposite of what I want. I tend to think so poorly of myself that I see everyday things that Jenn does as her not wanting to spend time with me, etc. The truth is: I feel so horribly about myself, who I am, and what I’ve done that I feel unworthy to be content. At the root of it, I understand now, is unforgiveness.

What’s frustrating about this is that I’ve written about forgiveness before. I once wrote that I was forgiving myself and was moving on. But in the end, I didn’t. The truth is that I’ve forgiven everyone who has hurt me: my biological father who couldn’t handle fatherhood and left; the kid that abused me at age four; the ex-wife who left me, knowing that my greatest fear was abandonment; as well as many others who have hurt me. But I’ve been unable to forgive my own misdeeds. I still see my own mistakes in how I’ve treated people, and I shrink away. The worst part about it is that I know who keeps bringing this up in me, and despite all my prayers, I still deal with it every day. I’ve read scripture, talked to a few people, and confessed all of this to Jenn, and yet I’m bound and barely breathing. I just want to be able to let go of my own failures!

So why do I write about this now? Well, some of this is a repeat of past writings but I want to be real with people, as I always have. I want people to see that being a Christian doesn’t mean we don’t struggle. I struggle quite a bit actually. I also write because this is my form of counseling. I get my thoughts on paper and can examine them. Writing has become my release. Yet, there is one more reason I write this confession: I want to be free. I want my friends who care about me to know I need their prayers. I want to enter the second year of my marriage knowing that these gaping wounds on my heart are healing. I write this because I know that the best way to love God, my wife, and the kids that will come one day, is to finally drop this weight I carry. Confession is freedom.

A Bitter Heart

"Bitterness is the poison you drink, hoping that it will kill someone else."

One of my favorite people in the world gave me this quote a couple of years ago, and it’s stuck with me. I think we all struggle with bitterness, and if we aren’t careful it can change us. It can taint the person that we are or destroy the dreams that we pursue. In marriage, it can destroy all that is good about it. It causes us to stop looking at the positives in our spouse and to dwell upon the negatives. Bitterness causes us to stop wanting the best for our spouses, and in extreme cases, to wish harm upon them. It should be no surprise that bitterness often goes hand-in-hand with unforgiveness. If we can’t forgive someone for how they’ve hurt us, then we wind up resenting them. We grow selfish. And most importantly, perhaps, we lose perspective on how blessed we are to have that person in our life.

While doing some studying over the past week, a section of 2 Samuel has really impacted me. You can find the story in 2 Samuel 6. This is when King David had the ark of God (ark of the covenant) brought back to Jerusalem.* During the celebration, David humbled himself and wore only a linen ephod.** He danced nearly naked in front of his people and humbled himself before God, choosing to celebrate before the Lord instead of concerning himself with making the event one of pomp and circumstance. When Michal saw this, the Bible notes that Michal despised David in her heart. When he returned home, she greeted him by sarcastically poking at him for his lack of discretion by disrobing in public in front of slave girls (and the rest of his people). David responded by telling her he was dancing before the Lord and that he would become even more undignified to do so. He would humiliate himself in his own eyes for the Lord. David told her that those same slave girls would hold him in honor. She failed to see her husband’s heart and how that pleased God. Michal’s actions are a far cry from the Michal described in 1 Samuel.

In 1 Samuel 18:20, the Bible notes that Michal was in love with David, and in 1 Samuel 19:12-13, Michal saves David’s life as Saul tried to kill him. With David on the run, Saul gave Michal to another man, who fell in love with her. Later, when David became king of Judah, he requested the return of Michal as his wife, and her husband followed after her weeping. Through Saul’s actions, Michal had two marriages torn apart. She was passed around like a prize or trophy. Evidently she grew bitter, as even though she was returned to the man she first loved, she had to compete with David’s other wives for attention. It seems that even though her husband was described by God as being a man after God’s own heart, she was unable to look past his negatives and the circumstances that surrounded the downfall of Saul’s House. She grew bitter. In the end, she could not see her husband’s actions as glorifying God, even though the rest of Israel, including the slave girls, could see it. She lost perspective.

The Bible ends the story noting that Michal had no children until the day of her death, which is important. To be placed there at the end of the story, to me, means that God had a plan to bless her with children, but due to her heart being shrouded in bitterness against David and God, she was not given children. A child would have made sure the line of Saul continued, and possibly could have meant her child would have been chosen to be king after David. I’m not saying this would have happened, but in dying childless, it sends a great message: bitterness results in death. When she died, all of her died with her. She had no one to carry on for her and no legacy to leave behind to future generations. In the end, her bitterness towards David resulted in not his death, but hers. The same can happen to us. If we don’t learn to forgive and release our bitterness, it doesn’t kill those we are bitter towards, it kills the one who is bitter. It destroys everything they hold dear, including families, relationships, and their walks with God. My prayer for today is that if there is any bitterness in me from past struggles, that God would help me to let it go, and so are my prayers for you. I don’t want to leave a legacy of bitterness behind, do you?

* The ark of God was captured by the Philistines. The ark brought trouble to the Philistines and was eventually returned to the Israelites.

** An ephod was linen usually worn by priests with their robes. The ephod itself covered very little and if worn without other clothing would expose the wearer’s more private regions.

Where Oh Where Has the Blogger Gone?

I know I have a limited audience for the blog (consisting of my wife and maybe two or three other people, but who’s counting?), but I have to say I miss getting my point across. The truth is I’ve been writing, just not here. I’ve made comments over the past couple years that I’ve wanted to write a book. It’s been dream for about a decade, actually, yet I could never discipline myself enough to start writing. However, that’s changed recently. About two or three months ago, while I was taking my normal lunch walk across Silver Bridge into Newport, Kentucky, I got an idea for a fictional story that got me excited, and it also wrenched at my heart. When I came home and pitched the story to Jenn, she jumped on board and told me to go for it. Ever since she told me it was a good idea, I’ve been working on it, baby steps at first but now I’ve become much more disciplined in how much time I spend writing. I’ve set goals for how many words a day I write, and, as a result, my blog entries are down. I love writing. It’s become a passion of mine, and right now I’m passionate about finishing this first manuscript before I start school in January. I hope and pray that this story I’m writing will be published one day and will touch a lot of hurting souls.

I have a lot of other random thoughts to post as well. Here goes:

A. The political campaigns this year are making me sick. It seems like the Democrats are going even more left than they already are, and the Republicans are more to the right. Why can’t we have a party that mixes the best ideals of both sides?

B. I find it interesting how so many people are trying to get “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” repealed, people who have no idea how life in the military would be affected by it. Even the upper echelon officers who are for it don’t have a clue. Why? Because they rarely, if ever, have had to share a close confined space with anyone else who may or may not be gay while in the military. The only exceptions may be while they were at the academy. They’ve always had their own rooms or just one roommate since they were commissioned. That is why it’s important to note that it’s been reported that most Chief Petty Officers are against the repeal. They’ve had to live in close quarters conditions throughout their careers and understand the privacy issues at stake here. My point is that so many people are trying to take care of the interests of the minority in this respect, but what about the interests of the majority? Do they not matter? I remember sharing a berthing onboard the USS Supply with eighty-seven - let me say it again: eighty-seven - other men, some of whom we knew were gay. It was very difficult. Why? Because we didn’t have privacy. There was one guy whose rack was right across from mine. His name - I kid you not - was Casanova. One day we had both just come out of the shower, and he looked across the aisle at me and stared at my “area” as I was getting my uniform on, then proceeded to make inappropriate comments to me about his genitals. I was very angry, and a week later I moved all of my things to another rack.

The problem with repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is that a large percentage of our troops live and work in close quarters. Our berthing areas are built for men and women to live apart separately. If the law is repealed, then you’d have to separate openly gay servicemen and women from the straight ones and provide berthing for them to provide privacy to the other servicemen and women. That becomes a conundrum in itself because, then, where do you berth them? You can’t berth together gay men and women in one berthing, nor can you give them their own individual berthing. Military ships don’t have that kind of space and it would insinuate special treatment. So there are a lot of issues that are not being addressed by proponents of the repeal. All they are thinking of is that they want equality and rights, but they are not thinking of how it affects the troops who are straight and have to live everyday life with them. My solution: If you are going to repeal it, work out the logistics first and take into account how those logistics affect everyone before you repeal it.

Anyone who knows me knows where I stand on the issue of homosexuality in general, but I must stress that I consider my feelings to be separate in this case. This is a military policy that needs to be addressed.

C. So there is hope for the Rams after all. I’m glad to see progress with my favorite squad!

D. It’s almost been a year since Jenn and I got married. It’s been an amazing ride so far, and there is no better woman out there to take that ride with. I look forward to growing closer with her as we grow older together. I love her with all of my heart.

The Language of Hate

Let me ask you a question: How do you feel when you see a skinhead burning an American flag on the evening news? What about all those times we’ve seen citizens of other countries burning the American flag, chanting ‘Death to America’? When I see images like that, I think that they hate us, they hate America. Whenever I see someone burning a flag, a book, or another object, it’s always been in hate. So when I read about Dove World Outreach Center Pastor Terry Jones’ plans to hold a Quran-burning on September 11, 2010, I cringed. Aren’t Pastor Jones and his church sending a message of hate?

According to Pastor Jones and his church, he believes the Islamic faith is ‘of the Devil’ and incites violence among radical Muslims, so they are taking a stand against these radical Muslims by burning the Quran. Now let me be honest and very blunt: I don’t believe that we as Christians should be tolerant of other religions, nor should we not call them what they are, which is false. However, there is a line that none of us should cross. Muslims believe the Quran is their Word of God and therefore is something they cherish, just like I cherish my Bible. The Quran is part of them, as the Bible has become part of me. Therefore, even though I believe the Quran to be false, I disagree with this public burning of the book. This book is part of who they are, and by burning these books publicly we are telling them that we hate them. How would I feel if I saw people burning the Bible? It would hurt me personally. This becomes not just about religion. This becomes about the person. And regardless of what any radical Muslim has ever done, if you are a Christian and told by Jesus to ‘love your neighbors as yourselves,’ then you have no business burning those books in a public manner. Pastor Jones states that this is in protest to radical Islam, but because the Quran is the holy book for all of Islam, he and his congregation are essentially saying they hate all of them.

There are other factors now at work: General Petraeus has noted that Jones’ protest puts American troops in Afghanistan in danger, and he’s right. The Muslims who are violent enough to take action against Americans are already angered by the threat of Jones' protest. They are already burning images of Jones and the American flag and we can all be sure it’s not just in protest of what Jones is about to do, but because they hate him and the country he’s from. Christians are held to a higher standard than this. We are not called to hate people. The Bible tells us to hate what is evil and to cling to what is good, but it does not tell us to hate people. It tells us to love people. We are all God’s creation, and if Christians were to remember that, then maybe, just maybe, we’d be seen for what God meant for us to be: images of Christ.

For further information about the Dove World Outreach Center’s plan to burn the Quran, as well as reaction to it, see below:
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ap/nation/7189605.html
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2010/09/07/2010-09-07_terry_jones_pastor_of_dove_world_outreach_center_will_go_through_with_koranburni.html?r=news
http://www.newsweek.com/2010/09/07/petraeus-burn-a-koran-day-could-endanger-us-troops.html

Is Christianity a Religion of Fear?

I was recently doing some research for my book, and as I was searching online for Author Bill Wiese, I came across an automatic search labeled, “Bill Wiese Fraud.” Curious, I clicked on the link, and came to "the Great Realization" blog. This blog is for the American Atheist movement, and is written by MagiKent. In the article above, MagiKent blasts Wiese as a fraud, calling his vision of 23 minutes in hell nothing more than a nightmare. MagiKent notes that Wiese uses his story as a way to get people to become Christians through fear.

MagiKent states:

Christianity’s motivation for morality is fear. There is no better example than Bill Wiese. Christians want to be good because they fear that if they don’t they will be put into a burning place to work for eternity. They define what ‘hell’ would be like in Earthly terms – fire, etc. Yet to describe what ‘heaven’ would be like is supposedly beyond what we can comprehend. What a load of garbage. Your religion is based on fear. That’s weak.

I wonder if MagiKent even bothered to read Mr. Wiese’s book or his follow-up “Hell.” Bill Wiese’s reason for writing the book was not to scare people into becoming Christians. He wrote it to remind us of the consequences of our sin, but also that the price was already paid. Mr. Wiese’s testimony gave authenticity to the Cross and the fact that there really is a spiritual world, both good and evil. Both books by Mr. Wiese use a tremendous amount of scriptural support and he expounds on that in his second book. If Mr. Wiese was a fraud, he wouldn’t have been able to use scripture to back up all the points he made, but yet he did. Many non-Christians like to define Christians as gullible, believing that they have been deceived. MagiKent instantly disregards Wiese as a fraud and assumes he had nothing more than a nightmare. However, what if MagiKent has been deceived? What if God really allowed Wiese to have this view of hell in order to be a witness to others?

What MagiKent does not understand is that my motivation for morality is not fear. I certainly fear and respect the Lord and His holiness, but I’m not a Christian because I fear hell. I am a Christian because I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for me and that the God of the universe loves me and knows me by name. I am a Christian not for religion, but for relationship, and even in moments where I struggle with the Lord, I know that He loves me. To be close to Christ is life-changing. It alters all reality. There is nothing weak about that. Any Christian worth their salt is not motivated to live a moral life by fear of hell, but by a desire to love their wonderful and holy God. True Christianity is not a religion of fear, but of love.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, and whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.”
John 3:16

“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
Romans 6:23

Billy the Marlin Can Wait…

This morning I woke up to find Yahoo Sports baseball writer Jeff Passan’s article on how Marlins Owner Jeffrey Loria and President David Samson have ‘swindled’ 2.4 billion dollars out of the taxpayers in Miami-Dade County. While I’m not a huge fan of Passan’s writing*, I have to admit this is an eye-opening article, and to be honest, as a man who loves the game of baseball, the level of greed exhibited here is sickening. This is not to say the other owners in MLB have not exhibited greed. I can definitely think of a few, but the Marlins’ Jeffrey Loria has been a primary example of it. As the owner of the Expos, he was almost single-handedly responsible for the wreckage of that franchise, and now here he is deceiving the fans of his new club in Miami.

Loria and Samson have run off good managers (Joe Girardi and Fredi Gonzalez), refused to pay high profile players (Miguel Cabrera), and have done everything thing they could to not raise payroll while reaping in luxury tax money. This is not acceptable. This treatment of their fans and players (these players want to win, and if your ownership is cheap, you’re hamstrung) is uncalled for and an unnecessary burden on the fans/taxpayers in South Florida. MLB should be held responsible as well. They are currently looking for who leaked the financial documents on the Marlins, Rays, and other clubs, but they knew the Marlins were misleading their fans, and yet did nothing.

Now, every year, I make it a goal to hit two MLB ballparks. Eventually I’ll get to every ballpark in the country. However, I will not visit this new Marlins ballpark until a new owner is in place there. Since Tampa Bay and Florida are in the same state and we’d likely have done both at the same time, that means we won’t be heading there either. Perhaps it is not coincidence that Tampa was also mentioned in the article for not being honest with their supporters. As for MLB, I love the sport, so I just can’t give up on it, but I will not invest funds like I used to in a sport that is cheating its fans. If news leaks out on any other teams doing this, I will make the same decision as I did for Florida. As far as I’m concerned, Billy the Marlin can wait.

*In the article, Passan claims that the if-you-build-it-they-will-come philosophy for baseball does not work, using Cincinnati, Washington, and Pittsburgh for his examples. He fails to note that these franchises have not won in years. Cincinnati is having a great year and attendance is starting to come up. Fans fill ballparks when teams win. Fans filled Progressive Field in Cleveland until ownership stopped investing in the club. Passan also compares this situation with the situation in Washington when the Nationals were able to get ballpark funding for Nationals Ballpark. I disagree with Passan on this point. The city council in Washington made a conscious and informed decision to build the ballpark in DC. There was no other place for MLB to put a ballpark at the time (Las Vegas was mentioned as an option but they certainly did not have an MLB park ready nor did they have any funding ready), so Washington’s city council should have known better. In the case of the Marlins, Loria and Samson knowingly lied and withheld information from Miami-Dade County.

12th Anniversary

Twelve years ago today I made one of my best decisions and one of my worst decisions in my life. I left Youngstown, Ohio behind with my poor high school grades, broken friendships, a solid church, and wonderful girlfriend waiting. I left to try and make something out of my life and I think I did. Years later it’s hard for me to remember the boy that I was, and that’s exactly what I was, and my experience in the military changed everything.

The reason I label it as one of my worst decisions is because the Lord had given me a separate plan for my life. I ran from that plan and went for the career I hoped would make a better life for my girlfriend and for me. At the time, I thought she was going to be the one I married. Well, that didn’t work out, and I long regretted my decision. However, as I look back God used that time to help make me into a man.

When I left, I was scarred with all kinds of immaturities and completely unwilling to take responsibility for anything. It was my time in the military that taught me about life. It taught me how naïve we can all be, and it showed me how definitive right and wrong can be. It also taught me how easy it is to fall into a gray area morally. I found out how things work in this world.

The great thing is even though I had to learn those hard lessons; I was also blessed to travel all through Europe and the Caribbean. I got to visit Israel! I walked the Via Delarosa. I stood in Gethsemane. How many of us can say that? I saw the Tower Bridge in London. I stood underneath the Eiffel Tower in Paris. I enjoyed a gondola ride in Venice. I walked the sobering grounds of Auschwitz and Dachau. I got to see the beauty of the Sistine Chapel. I took a train through the Scottish Highlands and found myself at Loch Ness. I worked in the Pentagon! I experienced all these things before age 26. God blessed me which such wonderful experiences that I’ve never forgotten.

I left the Navy in 2006 a bit disgruntled, but over the years I’ve come to realize how proud I really am to have served this country. I served for 9 years and I wouldn’t give any of it back. I learned so much about what it is to sacrifice and what duty really is. Even as I faced personal issues afterwards, I was able to draw upon everything I went through and keep perspective. All of that came from God. Despite all I did to run from Him, He turned it into something wonderful, and now I’m proud to call myself a veteran of the United States Navy.

Absence!

So it’s been awhile since I’ve written and I just wanted to post a few notes:

A. The Arizona Immigration Law - I’ll go ahead and say I support the law pre-court ruling. This is not because I’m trying to lash out at any race, but because it’s finally something being done to curtail illegal immigration into the United States. I understand the possibility of profiling, but that’s already happening there without the law. That justification doesn’t make it right, however the real issue at stake is what is Arizona supposed to do to defend our borders when our government is doing almost nothing to protect them. Regardless the Arizona law is not that much different than Federal law besides the fact that Federal law rarely is enforced.

There is one thing that is really annoying me concerning the protests to this law. Anti-immigration law protesters are trying to get Major League Baseball to move the 2011 All-Star Game from Arizona as part of their protest. This past weekend at the Arizona Diamondbacks vs. Washington Nationals game at Nationals Park in Washington DC, I believe protesters went over the line. First they post a banner in the garage facing the stadium protesting the All-Star Game. I’m cool with that. That’s fair. However, then during the game protesters ran out onto the field, interrupting the game and also breaking the law in the process. I have an issue with this. If you want to protest, fine, that’s your right, but don’t do it in such a fashion that you break the law and make yourself look like an idiot in the process. They made their cause look bad.

Another issue I have with protesters trying to get the game moved from Arizona is that it’s a dumb idea. The All-Star Game will pump 60 million dollars into the struggling Arizona economy that is supporting the people they are trying to stand up for. Moreover, if they were to look at the big picture they should want the All-Star Game there because it will provide them a public forum in which they can protest. The All-Star Game is shown across the country. There would be news reports everywhere showing their protests. It would bring them plenty of press. It seems shortsighted to want to have the game moved when there are more positives to be had for having the game played in Arizona.

B. I’ve started another workout/eating regimen. This time I’m keeping a separate blog on it. This should help hold me accountable. I really want to make it through this time.

C. The reason I haven’t blogged as much is because I’ve been at work on my book. So far I’m in the first draft stage, and I’m almost through with Chapter 3. It’s been challenging so far, and yet there is plenty more to be written. I’m not very confident in myself, but I’ve always wanted to write a book, and if worse comes to worse and no one ever publishes it, I’ll still have it to show my kids one day. The real problem I’m having is finding adequate people to talk about writing with. I checked out a Christian writing site, The Christian Writer's Guild, and they have some really cool seminars and classes I get excited about, but I don’t have the money for them. It’s just too expensive. It depressed me to see the prices for the seminars as I looked over the site on Friday night. There is one bright spot. A friend in Columbus and I are looking into starting an Ohio Christian writing guild. We’re praying about direction now for it. If you are interested, please let me know.

D. My application for UC is complete. I was told last week that I’ve been accepted, but they are still reviewing my file. There is a lot of stress here in terms of getting money from the government together for my GI Bill in time. Please pray.

Rants... Rants... Rants...

Pardon me, but I need to vent. There are so many things annoying me today, and I figured I should write them down.

1. If you want to cheer for Lebron James in his Miami Heat jersey, fine, but show some intelligence: don’t go to a Cleveland Indians home game wearing the jersey, especially when the Indians are playing James’ favorite team, the Yankees. You're asking for trouble. This reminds me of the time that I, as a stupid teenager, wore my Magic Johnson Lakers jersey and New York Yankees cap walking through Quincy Market in Boston. I got some dirty looks, but I am so glad I didn’t pull that crap at Fenway. Drunk Red Sox fans would likely have maimed me, even if I was only a kid.. You’re asking for trouble.

2. If you say you are a Christian, you need to act like it. You are never going to be perfect and you will make mistakes, but don’t be on your high-horse talking about God one moment and the next minute cussing people out and mistreating them. That’s disrespectful to other Christians who are doing their best to live in Christ and love people, and it throws mud on the face of Christ.

3. Okay. Middle-aged, balding white males should never - and I mean never - have dreadlocks, especially dreadlocks down to your butt.

4. Priorities, Priorities. This is not meant towards all parents, but just a choice ignorant few out there. Here’s an example: Let’s say I’m single and have two kids, with some money put away. We live in a small place which is definitely in need of an upgrade. The kids are old enough to get involved in sports, or maybe need tutors to help them with school. The kids haven’t been to a dentist in years, and one of them needs braces by the looks of their teeth. School is drawing near and they need new clothes. Which of these should I do with some extra money I’ve saved, and in what order?
A. Get the kid braces.
B. Get the kids in soccer, baseball, swimming, etc.
C. Get new clothes for the kids for the school year.
D. Get a tutor for the kid that struggles in school.
E. Get a bigger place that suits the family better.
F. Get myself Botox.

Anyone here think Botox is the first choice? I may not be a parent yet, but I still know that your kids and their needs always - let me say this again, ALWAYS - come first. You are their provider and you are the one that should be meeting their needs. No one else should be responsible for making sure your kids’ needs are met. God gave these kids to you, and to you alone, to raise them up and take care of them. So do it. There is no “I got botox because I deserve it” when your kids’ needs are not met.

5. There are numerous people out there who live their lives with illness and they still find a way not to mistreat other people. Just because you are sick, that does not mean that you have license to disrespect other people, even if you believe they’ve disrespected you. The Golden Rule still applies.

6. It might not be a good idea for a woman to go to a job interview dressed in a rather short pink party dress. I’m thinking that that won’t be seen as proper.

These are all instances I’ve seen in the past few days. I don’t mean to embarrass anyone or call anyone out specifically. I just need to vent. Some of it is just funny to me, and some of it is pretty serious. All of us are human and we all make mistakes. I am no judge, that’s for sure, I just needed to vent a little.

Nationals Park – June 8, 2010

Following our trip to South Carolina, where Jenn’s friends Beth and Brian took us in for a week, we made our way up to the Washington, D.C. area. We decided to leave a day earlier than originally planned so that we could visit Shenandoah National Park on the way. We camped out there on a Sunday night, which meant there was something like only five campsites being used. We virtually had the campground to ourselves! It provided a much needed peace after a rather stressful day.

The next morning, we continued on to the D.C. metro area, where we got to hang out with my old military friends, the McClures and the Greens. They gave us place to stay, they fed us, and most importantly, they spent some time with us. It was great to catch up with them; however, the brunt of our time in Washington was spent touring. We walked from monument to monument taking in as much as possible.

We were also sure to spend time going through the National Air & Space Museum and a couple other Smithsonian museums. Another activity that we did was stop in the town where I used to live, which gave Jenn an idea of where I’ve been, something that was important for me.

On June 8^th, we made our way to Nationals Park to see the Washington Nationals host the Pittsburgh Pirates. This ballpark opened on March 30, 2008, after the Nationals played their first three seasons in RFK Stadium. The ballpark itself is built differently from the more recent ballparks opened across the country: there is no red brick in this ballpark like the more recent retro-look that ballparks like Busch Stadium went for. Rather, Nationals Park is built out of steel, glass, and pre-cast concrete that was meant to reflect the architecture of Washington’s many buildings and monuments (specifically the East Wing of the National Gallery of Art).

It has plenty for fans to do, including numerous restaurants and an arcade. Another positive for the ballpark is that it’s easy for fans to get around. Jenn and I entered at the centerfield gate, went up one escalator to our level and walked right to our seats. There was no confusion, no double escalators, and no asking ushers where we needed to go.

However, the main issue that I have with the park is that it looked to me like an overgrown Minor League Park. The concrete, steel, and glass didn’t give it that special look that is reserved for a Major League ballpark. I understand what the architects were looking for, but it just didn’t work for me. It looked very sterile, and without character. It’s a nice ballpark with lots to do, but due to its lack of a signature look, it’s just a ballpark. I’m sure many fans will disagree with my assessment, but this is just my opinion. Overall it’s a nice ballpark, just not in my taste, and therefore not in my Top Ten ballparks.

This completed my ballpark trips for 2010 and possibly for 2011. I’m thankful for the friends that I got to visit and the sights I got to share with my newlywed wife. And I’m thankful that I have a woman in my life who supports me on these adventures.

Turner Field – Atlanta, GA

I woke up the morning of June 1^st, 2010 with the certain excitement that only comes for me when I’m going to the ballpark. I was heading to Atlanta to take in a game at the gorgeous Turner Field. However, there was a little more to it, too. This would be the first time since I was 16 years old that I was going to see my friend Laura, who has had such a positive impact on my life. It was going to be a fun night!

We got to the ballpark around 4 p.m. and parked across the street. Walking up to the ballpark, we saw that it had an extremely large boardwalk in the front of the stadium; in fact, it was the largest one I’ve seen at a ballpark. (I later read that the boardwalk was there as a result of Turner Field being retro-fitted for baseball after being used as the Olympic Stadium for the 1996 Atlanta Olympics. The extra space left over from the stadium reconstruction enabled the Atlanta Committee for the Olympic Games to build the outfield sections, complete with the front boardwalk, and numerous fan attractions, including a team shop, activities for children, and a couple of different restaurants. When we entered the ballpark, we could not tell it was ever used as an Olympic Stadium. We just found ourselves walking into a beautiful ballpark.)

Since we got to the ballpark early, the first thing Jenn and I did was seek shelter from the heat while we waited for Laura to get there. We sat down in the team restaurant and enjoyed a small meal, (one of the few times we actually ate out on our vacation). After getting our water bottles refilled, we went over to the team shop, and finally, Laura arrived. I slipped her ticket through the gate and she got into the ballpark. It was such a strange thing seeing her for the first time in years: I last remember her being a spirited teenager, and now here she was, a mature adult. I was glad to see her, and it was nice for her to meet Jenn. That was the important part for me: I wanted Jenn to meet this great person I’ve known for years, and vice-versa. I hope they will one day become friends.

Because Jenn and I were on an extreme budget, we bought the cheapest seats we could, in the upper reserve section on the first base side. (But it worked out well: we were so high up that we were under the rather small roof that covered only the highest seats, which protected us from the sun and the rain that came later.)

Off to our left, they had constructed a large Coca-Cola bottle and next to it the Chick-fil-A cow that does the tomahawk chop with the fans. There is also a small baseline built near the upper level for children to run down during the game.

The rest of the stadium was pretty standard, but sharp. The outside of it had a brick outlay with some old-school looking gates that bring flavor to the ballpark. However, there was more than the architecture that brought flavor to the ballpark.

The really special thing about going to a game at Turner field is how much fun it is. Doing the Tomahawk Chop and other cheers with the fans was a blast. The fans are so enthusiastic, which surprised me because Atlanta fans are stereotyped as awful; I was happy to find that that simply was not true. They were a joy to be around. Both the fans and the ballpark were entertaining and it was such a refreshing experience to watch a game there. I strongly recommend it.

My Top 10 List

1. PNC Park, Pittsburgh, PA – Beautiful park with a great view of the three rivers. Go at night…it’s one of my favorite views.
2. Busch Stadium, St. Louis, MO – Gorgeous Ballpark, with a great view of the Arch. The fans are very knowledgeable and courteous. It was just a wonderful place to watch a game.
3. Camden Yards, Baltimore, MD – Another great looking park. This park is the starter for all the new constructions of the 1990’s and in my opinion still has the old-time baseball feel the architects were aiming for. The warehouse in background is still a cool sight.
4. Fenway Park, Boston, MA – The newer parks look better in so many ways, but nothing beats the party going on at Fenway on game day. There is so much going at Fenway the moment you get to the park. It does look old, but they keep it painted and the Monster is still an awesome sight.
5. Angels Stadium, Anaheim, CA – This is an old ballpark, but when I visited in 2004, it had been overhauled into a baseball only-facility (the Rams used to play there), and it was gorgeous. It’s especially great at night to watch with the fountains where outfield bleachers used to be. I admit with the Angels being my favorite team, I’m probably biased.
6. Comerica Park, Detroit, MI – This ballpark doesn’t get mentioned enough with other ballparks, but it is absolutely gorgeous. I love the history they put into it with the statues beyond the outfield wall. I really enjoyed visiting this park.
7. Turner Field, Atlanta, Georgia* – See Above
8. Citizen’s Bank Park, Philadelphia – This park is a nice-looking park, but what I thought was cool was the all the stuff they have for kids to do there. In the walkway section of the park there were all kinds of games and stuff to occupy the kids before, during, and after the game. Very cool.
9. Great American Ballpark, Cincinnati, OH – Very nice ballpark that captures the history of the city well with its steam boat representation and the Ohio River in the background. There isn’t a bad seat in the ballpark.
10. Progressive Field, Cleveland, OH – There was a time when I’d rank this ballpark higher, but the last time I went to see a game there, it looked as if it were not being taken care of. It’s still a decent place to catch a game, but I remember how great it looked when I first went in 1997. Last time I went, it looked like the Indians were saving money on maintenance as well as being cheap with their players.
    
    *Changes – Dodger Stadium drops out of the top ten with Turner Field moving into 7^th on the list.

Goodbye Lebron

Well, after having a night to sit down and think about the departure of Lebron James from the Cavaliers, my perception has changed a little. Here are my thoughts:

A. The big problem I have with Lebron leaving the Cavs is the way he did it. He had six teams make their way to Cleveland, but he was only going to consider a couple of them. He wanted to win a championship. I believe that. I also believe he knew his best options for that were Chicago, Miami, and Cleveland. So he had the Knicks, Nets, and Clippers come to Cleveland for nothing. Then he reaches out to ESPN to make a TV special announcing where he is signing on national television. Can you think of any sports player that has ever done that? Not even the great Michael Jordan ever did that. Lebron didn’t even call the teams he wasn’t going to play for beforehand to let them know he was signing elsewhere. Cleveland wasn’t told about it until one of Lebron’s reps called just moments before the announcement. Lebron then announced on national television that he was leaving his hometown to play for a championship. Basically, he was saying he believed he could not win a title in Cleveland, which may or may not be true. They have been close the past couple of years. Either way, it was a cold way to say goodbye to your hometown. If he was going to leave, he should have done it quietly. Have a man-to-man with the owner that invested as much into you as you did into your team. That’s why Dan Gilbert is really upset. Check this article out.

Those of you that are saying, “Well wait, Lebron did that on national television to raise money for the Boys and Girls Club! How is that wrong?” also need to sit back and think about this: Lebron has numerous different avenues in which to raise money for them. He’s been raising money for them for a long time. He didn’t need to go on national television last night to raise that money. There are so many better ways out there to raise it without having to go with the route he did. The ends don’t justify the means.

B. I don’t have a problem with Lebron leaving the Cavs as a free agent. He gave them his game for seven years, and he was special to watch there. He earned the right to be a free agent and if he wants to play with Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade, then he should go for it. I may not like seeing him in a Miami uniform, but as a basketball fan, it will be interesting to watch. I do think that if Lebron should have gone anywhere, it should have been Chicago. They have a better core and are young.

C. I think what people are not realizing is that Lebron, Bosh, and Wade are all giving up money to play together, as Stuart Scott noted on this morning’s Mike and Mike show. People tend to get upset with players for taking the money instead of going for a championship. (Joe Johnson in Atlanta comes to mind. The Hawks will never win a title as it is built.) Instead they all gave up some money to play together. They chose the opportunity over the money, and there is respect due for that choice. I want to be able to tell my kids that money is not always the answer. Don’t get me wrong, they will still get their money, but they could each have earned more on their own.

D. Dan Gilbert’s comments in his letter posted on the Cavaliers website are out of line and not classy. However, there is a lot of truth in what he wrote. There is even more truth in his criticism of Lebron during the playoff runs in the past two years, which he spoke about in a radio interview given last night in Cleveland. Dan Gilbert is wrong to have publicly slammed Lebron afterward, but he said what a lot of basketball fans were thinking.

E. I do not think all hope is lost in Cleveland. Looking at their roster, they have some quality players, but not stars. They are fairly young, with the exception of just a couple players. If they can attract a free agent or two next off-season, they’ll be back in the hunt for the playoffs and maybe more. They will have some cap space with Lebron leaving.

F. Even with Lebron, Bosh, and Wade, I don’t think Miami is the favorite to win the title. Boston and Orlando are still there and have players of their own, even if Boston is getting older. Fans can be sure that both the Magic and the Celtics will have deeper benches than Miami, and Chicago is going to be better. Oh, and there is the World Champion-loaded Lakers in the Western Conference. I’m sorry to all the Heat fans out there, but the Lakers are too deep to lose to the Three-man show in Miami this upcoming season. That will likely change in time, and I do think the Heat will eventually win a title with their new Big 3, but it won’t be right away.

G. I know the fans in Cleveland will hate Lebron for leaving, but I hope in time they can respect him for what did accomplish in Cleveland. They got to the NBA Finals for the first time ever, and he led them from improbable win to improbable win. He brought a lot of excitement to a down sports town. Unfortunately, his departure reminds Cleveland fans that they seem to be cursed, and so a hungry sports town must find a way to move on without their hero.

Relationship

Ever since I started studying for the GRE (or shall I say fretting over the GRE?), I’ve struggled to find time with God. I used to listen to music on the way to work and pray, but of late, I’ve gotten away from it as the music has gotten stale and my mind has wandered. When I went to work, I studied for the GRE instead of studying God’s word. When I’d go home, I’d study some more for the test. However, when I got to work on Tuesday morning, I felt something missing within me. I missed my time with God. Just like He longs for relationship with us, as we grow, we long for relationship with Him. Even now, just a couple days later, I feel the heart ache from that morning. I was grieving the loss of relationship with my creator and it broke my heart. Oh how I love my God, and oh how He loves me.

Backpacking Thoughts – Memorial Day 2010

Jenn often tells me that she feels closest to God when she is out in His creation. That’s one of the reasons she likes backpacking so much. So when we headed down to the Smoky Mountains, I was hoping to commune with God just like she does. I was wrong. That’s not to say that it wasn’t a fun trip. It just means that I see God differently than my wife does. I usually see God’s finger on clear nights where stars shine bright in the sky. However, there were no clear skies for us on this trip. Clear skies would have made a good trip a great trip.

The first day of the trip we aimed to be on the trail by 11:00 am, but a landslide forced us to take a three-hour detour to get to our starting point. And in the process, we got separated from the couple we were going with. So we didn’t get started hiking until 2:30 p.m., and it was a near 7-mile climb up the mountain! We had little time to spare if we were going to get camped and dinner before nightfall. Along the way we came across a rather large snake (it scared the crap out of me, but I’m glad it was not a rattlesnake or copperhead), some interesting insects, and at about five minutes away from our campsite we saw a big black bear that stared us down.

We got to our campsite at around 6:30 p.m. We immediately set up camp, and just as we were meeting our neighbors our partners in crime for this venture, Jeni and Darren, made it to camp. Jenn, Darren, and I went to filter water out of a rather nasty water source, and then we all ate dinner before crashing for the night. The one special part of the evening, besides me getting scared by that snake, was the young deer wandering into our campsite. It walked up to about 10 feet from us. It was just a beautiful sight.

The second day started with an early climb followed by about 7 miles straight downhill. While this was easier on the cardio, it was harder on my knees. There isn’t much to say about this day except it was just a lot of work. Jenn and I couldn’t decide if we were going to camp the night or just hike the extra two miles back to our cars and start the trip to South Carolina. I wanted to finish it and go, and she wanted to stay. In the end, we stayed and it wound up being a better idea, except that whatever I’d eaten that day had made me a little sick. That and my legs were really just done. They were sore and swollen. Thankfully, Jeni and Jenn saw how much I was struggling and let me be. Jenn and I took a “bath” in the stream we camped by, and we had a nice night with Jeni and Darren around a campfire.

The following morning, mostly due to Jenn’s mad problem-solving skillz, we broke camp in the rain while staying as dry as possible. We made it to the car, drove to the Visitor’s Center, got cleaned up, and put some nice fatty food in our systems. Overall, it was a fun and challenging weekend. The only thing I missed was what Jenn usually finds: a moment with God that says He’s there. It was nice to see her bask in God’s creation. For me, it was a reminder of how different we all are, and it has me thinking that I really need to seek God’s face to figure out where I best hear His voice. Seeing Him in the stars is one thing, but learning to recognize him in everyday life is another.

Confession

"That if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,'and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved."

Romans 10:9-10 (NIV)

It's sometimes troubling that when asked about the Christian faith people struggle to believe that all they need to do confess that Christ is Lord and that He died on the cross for their sins. However, it's written in God's word numerous time that all we need to do is confess and believe in Christ. It's that simple. So what's the problem? I just think that we can not wrap our minds around something this simple. Sometimes we just can not get ourselves to believe.

In other news and thoughts:
A. Jenn and I are still on vacation. Last weekend we backpacked in the Smoky Mountains and we spent this week with her friend in South Carolina. It's been fun getting to know them a little. Tomorrow we are heading north to Shenandoah National Park for a day of hiking and camping, and then we are heading into Virginia and Maryland to meet up with some old military friends. We'll do some touring in Washington and catch a Nationals game.

B. We caught an Atlanta Braves game this week with an old friend of mine. It was the first time I'd seen her in 15 years. It was great for her to meet Jenn. The game was a blast. There is blog forthcoming on that one.

C. I've been struggling a bit with people taking my words out of context or simply just twisting them. It's frustrating when I'm trying to do the right thing to have my words turned around. Very frustrating.

Busch Stadium – May 22, 2010

This past Saturday Jenn and I made the trip to Saint Louis, Missouri to see the home team Cardinals host the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. This was my first new ballpark trip since 2006 and let me tell you it was worth the wait. We were treated to an Angels 10-7 victory while taking in a beautiful ballpark.

Busch Stadium was opened in 2006 and still carries that brand-new look to it. The entire outside of the ballpark is red-brick. It looks great. It fits the city and the team. We sat up behind home plate and took in a spectacular view of downtown St. Louis and the famous Gateway Arch. The view rivals the view found at PNC Park in Pittsburgh. The big difference here is that I recommend you catch a Pirate game at night in Pittsburgh to really take in the beauty of the city, but you definitely need to see a Cardinal day-game to enjoy the scenery in Busch Stadium.

The park is also made special by the die-hard, yet courteous fans in St. Louis. We had open conversations with the Cardinal fans in the ballpark despite Jenn and me wearing our Angels gear. The Cardinal’s staff was friendly as well. I was also blown away by how intelligent the Cardinal’s fans were. They noticed everything from a sacrifice fly to ground out that resulted in a run. They cheered for their team for performing all nuances of the game.

Busch Stadium has a party atmosphere too. The concourses are open in the upper levels which make you feel like you are at one big barbeque that just happened to have a baseball game break out. However, this comes at a cost because there is very little shade as a result. The heat was fierce on Saturday and my wife was only able to find a small area for shade. The seating in ballpark also offers very little shade early on game-days, but later in the day a large portion of the stadium did gain some shade.

Overall, Busch Stadium is one of my new favorites. It’s a beautiful ballpark with a festive atmosphere. There is not a bad seat in the house. Updated rankings are below.

1. PNC Park, Pittsburgh, PA – Beautiful park with a great view of the three rivers. Go at night…it’s one of my favorite views.

2. Busch Stadium, St. Louis, MO – See above

3. Camden Yards, Baltimore, MD – Another great looking park. This park is the starter for all the new constructions of the 1990’s and in my opinion still has the old-time baseball feel the architects were aiming for. The warehouse in background is still a cool sight.

4. Fenway Park, Boston, MA – The newer parks look better in so many ways, but nothing beats the party going on at Fenway on game day. There is so much going at Fenway the moment you get to the park. It does look old, but they keep it painted and the Monster is still an awesome sight.

5. Angels Stadium, Anaheim, CA – This is an old ballpark, but when I visited in 2004, it had been overhauled into a baseball only-facility (the Rams used to play there), and it was gorgeous. It’s especially great at night to watch with the fountains where outfield bleachers used to be. I admit with the Angels being my favorite team, I’m probably biased.

6. Comerica Park, Detroit, MI – This ballpark doesn’t get mentioned enough with other ballparks, but it is absolutely gorgeous. I love the history they put into it with the statues beyond the outfield wall. I really enjoyed visiting this park.

7. Citizen’s Bank Park, Philadelphia – This park is a nice-looking park, but what I thought was cool was the all the stuff they have for kids to do there. In the walkway section of the park there were all kinds of games and stuff to occupy the kids before, during, and after the game. Very cool.

8. Great American Ballpark, Cincinnati, OH – Very nice ballpark that captures the history of the city well with its steam boat representation and the Ohio River in the background. There isn’t a bad seat in the ballpark.

9. Progressive Field, Cleveland, OH – There was a time when I’d rank this ballpark higher, but the last time I went to see a game there, it looked as if it were not being taken care of. It’s still a decent place to catch a game, but I remember how great it looked when I first went in 1997. Last time I went, it looked like the Indians were saving money on maintenance as well as being cheap with their players.

10. Dodger Stadium, Los Angeles, CA – I have to admit that I didn’t care much for this ballpark. It was drab and there wasn’t much there to do but watch the game, which is great for me, but bad for a parents wanting to find things to do with their kids (and their limited attention spans). However, when the sun starts going down, the beauty of the ballpark changes. It’s such a pretty sight to look at the background beyond the outfield fence and it makes up for much of its shortcomings.

*Changes – Busch Stadium slides into second place. I swapped slots between Citizen’s Bank Park and Great American Ballpark. I just realize the ballpark experience in Citizen’s Bank Park is better. It’s just a better looking ballpark too.

The Tongue is a Fire

One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone feels the need to try and tell me what I’m doing wrong by yelling at me, belittling me, or just by forcing it down my throat. Sometimes they try to disguise it with, “I’m just telling the truth.” Sometimes they throw in the L-word thinking it will cushion the blow (“I’m only saying this out of love”). In the end, though, even if the there is truth to it, the targeted person is left feeling disrespected and, in many cases, repulsed. I had someone close to me do this a couple months ago, and the sting of it remains. I have forgiven this person, but I do not want anything to do with this “friend.” Since it’s been a multiple-repeat performance, I feel as though I’m better off without this person in my life. Of course, it would be hypocritical for me to forget that I’ve been guilty of pushing my feelings on other people too, so I guess I understand both directions. We want to try and help someone, but in the end, because our words were harsh and forceful, we get pushed away.

Sometimes we just get angry and say something hurtful. We fail to see how much our words crush someone, and we usually do this to the people we are closest to. According to James 4, the tongue is a fire capable of so much evil. I’ve seen the damage it can cause when I’ve lost patience with Jenn and said something rude or hurtful. I’ve seen her spirit just shrink away, and I hate it. I hate seeing hurt in her eyes. However, when I let her know how much I love her or when I tell her how beautiful she is, she sparkles. The tongue has the power to destroy, and the power to nourish one’s heart and soul. I need to be more careful with how I speak to people; I think we all do. I want everyone who speaks with me to know I care about them and feel blessed by my words.

Friendship

It’s been awhile since I've been able to have good fellowship with another brother-in-Christ, but last night was a great opportunity. I met up with a friend, Roger Chang, at Skyline Chili. (It was my first time eating there and it was pretty decent.) We started off talking about church stuff and in the end it became one of those times that you realize God set up. I needed that time to really bounce thoughts, ideas, and struggles off of someone, and God provided it. I can talk to Jenn all I want, but sometimes I need fellowship with guys. We just think differently. I was very honest with Roger about my past and where I’ve been. I let him in on all my struggles and fears and then we prayed. If anything, I realize that though I’ve been through a lot in life, I still have a long way to go and it’s nice to be able to let it out and be encouraged along the way. I’ve missed that since I moved down here from Columbus. It’s nice to have friendship. Truthfully, I’ve really struggled in my faith of late because I’ve felt - and let me stress the word felt - like God wasn’t listening to my cries for help with some issues, but yet there it was right where I needed it. So I’m thankful for the friendship of men like Roger and of a holy and loving God. It’s just what we all need.

Worship

I was four years old the first time I can remember hearing a praise and worship song. Our family was living in Newport, Rhode Island at the time. It was a sunny day and my mother sitting on a chair in the dining room with her guitar settled in her lap and her song book on the table in front of her. She was playing “This is the Day” on her old Yamaha acoustic and singing like an angel while I played on the floor with some toy cars. Except I really wasn’t playing. I was listening. Listening to my mother sing love songs to her God calmed my heart when life was so hard for us. It made it easier for me to accept her God as my God just a few years later when our days were even darker.

What I remember most about those days listening to my mother praise God is that joy filled the room. She enjoyed worshiping God. It saddens me now to know she has not picked up her guitar in over twenty years, but those memories stick with me. I grew up loving music and I always loved taking part in worship at church whether in the choir, or singing special music. Worshiping God was always joyful, even in moments where the songs we sang were deeper, more emotional songs. So I guess the question I have for everyone is: What does worshiping God mean to you?