As long as I can remember, anytime I have been confronted with a mistake, I have reflected on it and tried to make amends for them. I have never been too proud to confess my shortcomings, many of which have been discussed in my blog, and yet recently I faced accusations that stated I was doing still doing things that I used to do when married. It forced me to do something I have grown unaccustomed to: I had to defend myself to someone that I believed to be one of my best friends.
What do you do when someone accuses you of things you know are not true, even if this person will not detail them? What do you, when as a Christian, it gets to the point where your Christianity is being questioned? How do you react when a person you trust ends your friendship based on these accusations? What do you do when the person’s alleged source for making these accusations is beyond reproach?
Every time I search my heart I come up with the same answers: I have always been open and real with people. I do not hide my flaws from anyone. When I sin, I repent and move forward with honesty. Why would anyone accuse me otherwise now? The life I live now is a complete change from how I used to be. Even if I make similar mistakes to the ones I made when I was married, I do not hide them like I used to. I take accountability for them and I confess them, then I take actions to prevent it from happening again. How am I the same? How have I not changed? I am confused and hurt. I feel betrayed and bewildered. Where do I go from here?
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Wild Ride
Twenty-two months ago I began a journey of both loss and redemption. Early on in the process, I met another person who, like myself, was losing his marriage and fighting to save it. We almost instantly formed a kinship and began to hold each other accountable in our Christian walks. Eventually we had to go our separate ways, due to choices that we individually making, but I am happy to be a part of his life now as he got married on Sunday at C3 Church.
I hope to have him guest write an entry on this blog soon just to get his story out there, but it’s an amazing story. Every time I sit back and think of what I have gone through in the past two years, I am reminded of my friend who went through even more. Some of what he went through has been the result of his poor choices, however the great thing about God is that He can turn our poor decisions around and use them for good. I am proud of my friend for recognizing his need for a savior and accepting that savior. Now God has blessed him with someone who will never leave his side.
It is surreal now to see how satisfied he is after where he has been, and it echoes in my mind that the same is true for me as I am now one month away from being married too. What a wild ride, and to God be all the glory for the miracles in our lives.
Friday, September 11, 2009
September 11, 2001
There is something powerful about September 11, 2001 in my heart, as it is in most hearts. It’s my generation’s JFK moment where we will all remember where we were and what we were doing on that day. None of this is meant to minimize the other tragedies that have happened around the world in the past ten years, however this is our one moment as Americans where we remember our homeland being attacked, in arguably our greatest city, and the heroics of various men and women in New York, Washington DC, and in a plane fighting to survive over Pennsylvania. We will never be the same.
In 2001, I was training for the Venice Marathon with three other shipmates when I earned for myself severe shin splints that landed me physical therapy. On September 11th, I had an early appointment at the therapist’s office and I went home to play some Playstation 2 with Valorie still at work. A few minutes into my game, I received a phone call from Mom nearly hysterical telling me to turn the television on because the World Trade Center had been attacked. Plane number 2 had just hit and there were gaping holes in both buildings. I got off the phone with my mom and watched in disbelief as the Towers tumbled to the ground and people close to them scattered out of the way. I frantically called Valorie at work to let her know what happened, and then, in tears, cried out to God for mercy for our country. The towers that I once stared at from across the bay on my ship in New Jersey were gone, and the lives of thousands were changed forever.
Over the next two days I was glued to the television amid rumors that our family members would be sent home and our base would be locked down. We had to mentally get prepared for that as I waited for our work schedule to change in response to the President putting military at its highest level in years. I learned soon enough that we would be working 12 hours on and 12 hours off for the immediate future. I had to drop my math class…again, and we began life in post-9/11 Europe.
My life in the military was never the same after that. I wound up having to serve in the base’s Auxiliary Security Forces afterwards due to the base needing extra protection. When I was eventually called up, it cost me more time with family and in finishing my education. However, that was a minor sacrifice to make. My final command while in the Navy, Opnav TCC in the Pentagon, lost 7 sailors from when that plane crashed into the building. Rumors persisted that when they were found, they were charred, but linked arm-in-arm. Whenever you walked into that section of the Pentagon, it did not matter what season it was, the temperature always seemed to drop about 10 degrees. My division officer kept the ID of one of our fallen comrades at his desk as a reminder. There was no running from what happened on September 11th, and none of us should try.
No one should ever forget what happened that day, not because of the fact that it took place on American soil, but because of the fact that it was senseless, cruel, and it affected people from every walk of life. A couple hundred countries were represented by the tragedy. Yes, it weighs more on Americans, but families around the world felt loss as their relatives either died or were injured. It was a day that united America with many, and like so many others, it will be burned into my memory for all the days of my life.
In 2001, I was training for the Venice Marathon with three other shipmates when I earned for myself severe shin splints that landed me physical therapy. On September 11th, I had an early appointment at the therapist’s office and I went home to play some Playstation 2 with Valorie still at work. A few minutes into my game, I received a phone call from Mom nearly hysterical telling me to turn the television on because the World Trade Center had been attacked. Plane number 2 had just hit and there were gaping holes in both buildings. I got off the phone with my mom and watched in disbelief as the Towers tumbled to the ground and people close to them scattered out of the way. I frantically called Valorie at work to let her know what happened, and then, in tears, cried out to God for mercy for our country. The towers that I once stared at from across the bay on my ship in New Jersey were gone, and the lives of thousands were changed forever.
Over the next two days I was glued to the television amid rumors that our family members would be sent home and our base would be locked down. We had to mentally get prepared for that as I waited for our work schedule to change in response to the President putting military at its highest level in years. I learned soon enough that we would be working 12 hours on and 12 hours off for the immediate future. I had to drop my math class…again, and we began life in post-9/11 Europe.
My life in the military was never the same after that. I wound up having to serve in the base’s Auxiliary Security Forces afterwards due to the base needing extra protection. When I was eventually called up, it cost me more time with family and in finishing my education. However, that was a minor sacrifice to make. My final command while in the Navy, Opnav TCC in the Pentagon, lost 7 sailors from when that plane crashed into the building. Rumors persisted that when they were found, they were charred, but linked arm-in-arm. Whenever you walked into that section of the Pentagon, it did not matter what season it was, the temperature always seemed to drop about 10 degrees. My division officer kept the ID of one of our fallen comrades at his desk as a reminder. There was no running from what happened on September 11th, and none of us should try.
No one should ever forget what happened that day, not because of the fact that it took place on American soil, but because of the fact that it was senseless, cruel, and it affected people from every walk of life. A couple hundred countries were represented by the tragedy. Yes, it weighs more on Americans, but families around the world felt loss as their relatives either died or were injured. It was a day that united America with many, and like so many others, it will be burned into my memory for all the days of my life.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
These Hands
Well it is official: I am scared. What began as a small itchy rash in early June is now all over my hands, my right wrist, both of my feet, and on my ankles. I have had a total of three doctor appointments, two of them to a family practice and one of them to a dermatologist. It was initially deemed to be contact dermatitis and then was called atopic eczema. I have been on two separate steroids (yay now I can be like half of Major League Baseball!) and I changed my lifestyle to fit the needs described to me to treat it. Nothing is working. The eczema is spreading and it appears I now have an infection on one of the fingers. It all began with these hands. I admit it…as a grown man, I am getting scared. This is supposed to be a happy time with a wedding coming in five weeks. Okay...I'm done venting now.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Compassionate Journalism
We all lack compassion sometimes. Yes, I mean every single one of us. So as you read this please do not think that I am saying I am the most compassionate man in the world. That would be a lie. I have a long way to go in that area. However, the news story I read this morning about a US Marine, Lance Corporal Joshua Bernard, is appalling for its lack of compassion by the Associated Press and I cannot let this pass without mentioning it.
This brave Marine gave his life for his country in Afghanistan recently. He was wounded in battle and while his fellow Marines attended to him in his final minutes, the AP managed to get some photos of Lance Cpl. Bernard. The AP chose to publish a photo of the dying Marine despite the repeated appeals of Lance Cpl. Bernard’s father and a request from Secretary of Defense Robert Gates to not publish it. The AP responded by publishing the photo anyways and reasoned that they published it because it “conveys the grimness of war and the sacrifice of young men and women fighting it.”
So let me get this right. Please help me understand. You have the father of a fallen marine requesting not once but twice for the AP not to publish this photograph as well as the Secretary of Defense, on behalf of the family, requesting the same to the AP, and they still ignore their requests? And for all reasons they want to “convey the grimness of war and the sacrifice of young men and women fighting it?” As a US Navy veteran I am insulted by the AP’s stand on this. If you really want to convey the grimness of war then keep reporting from Afghanistan and Iraq. There is nothing wrong with interviewing witnesses and catching some pictures of the areas and battles, but to ignore the pleas of the family is devoid of compassion and ignorant. Would any of these members of the AP want their families to have to view pictures of their dying bodies on television or see them in a newspaper?
If I had passed away when I was deployed, I never would have wanted my parents to see my dying body emblazoned across their television screen or found in the pages of the Akron Beacon-Journal. Where is the integrity and compassion from the AP? If the AP really wants to convey the “sacrifice of the young men and women fighting” the war, then they need to honor the requests of the families of these brave men and women instead of seeking the prestige that comes with getting a published shot. There is more than one way to get your point across without causing someone else pain. It does not matter if they met all standards provided for by the US Military. What matters is that father just lost his son, and wished to not have such a devastating photograph of him posted for the world to see. I believe the American people want news coverage that shows honor, integrity, and compassion. I find a little bit less of it everyday and this only reaffirms it.
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