A couple days ago, before the 24th...I acknowledged that I really didn't know if my wife was going to be there on Thursday. I proclaimed that I was going to trust God regardless. Well, since then its been a bit of an emotional and mental storm. Rebekah wisely implied that I was disillusioned, and while I disagree with her on that, I can see where she came from. What didn't happen on the 24th was only part of the story. The other part of it was an accidental confession I got from my wife on what she's been doing with her life. It tore me apart. The grief I felt in combination with Amanda's wedding made it difficult to even breath. I'm now at a crossroads with my life and here are the choices I've decided to make:
1. So much emphasis was placed on my wife...that stops now. I have a God to serve first and foremost. I want him...I want all of him that he'll give me. I decided to ask her aunt and uncle to take up the prayer burden for my wife in my stead. They love her immensely and I trust them to seek God for her everyday. I will still pray for my wife's salvation but I just can't place the emphasis on her.
2. I still believe that God has not had his say in my marriage yet, and even with an estimated 35 days or so left in it, God is never in a hurry. This marriage and my wife are his now... If there is going to be that miracle I'm hoping for, its my Father's hands. I will wait for him to provide the resolution here.
3. I'm moving forward. My wife is taking a path I refuse to follow her on. I love her...but I can no longer wait for her. God has big plans for me...he's given me abundant gifts to share with others. I'm choosing God and moving towards the plan he has laid out for me...with or without my wife. Part of that is the change in emphasis here. Rebekah, as mentioned before, you're talented with your blog and if you are willing, I'll take the help. Wait till you see where I'm taking this.
4. I said before I would trust God, and while this has hurt so much...I still trust God. I took a bullet the other day, and it hurt, but my God is still here. I will trust him eternally.
We are meant to be warriors...men and women of God who will trust him into eternity. He trusts us to seek him and pray. He trusts us to go into those dark places with a torch carrying good news and armed with the word of God. Trust is what it means to be a warrior for God. Thats where I'm taking this blog...what is our warrior code?
2 comments:
At first, my reason for coming to your blog was to find out who you were and if I knew you in some way. Now, I am sure that I was intended to come to this place for a different reason. Continue to be strong, but don't forget that in weakness is strength. I do not know you, but am praying for you, friend.
Thanks for your prayers and for visiting. I hope you come back. :)
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