Insecurities

You know they say women are not attracted to insecure men. I guess that means for the most part I’d be in trouble. I’ve never really felt secure in who I am. I see so many flaws and a riddled past. I see a failed marriage and broken friendships. I truly long for a day when all my little insecurities will no longer be an issue. It’s affected me for years, and only got worse when I went through the whole divorce process. I’ve been through so much healing and so much of who I am has become new, but I still struggle to shake the lack of confidence I have in some parts of who I am. I mean certainly, I’m good at a quite a few things. However, there are weaknesses in my armor. Am I worth truly loving one day? Am I good enough? These questions don’t just linger in the back of my mind, but they haunt me. I know it’s affected my friendships and kept me from giving myself to one person. I recently lost a friend because of how I can be. It’s time for a change.

I’m fortunate that there is someone in my life who does believe in me and does trust me, and that, in part, helped make the decision to jump into a relationship easy. She’s seen me be insecure and instead of being turned off, believes in who I’m going to be. I’ve grown tired of not believing in the person God created me to be, and I’ve grown tired of a few people close to me not believing in me either. So in that I’m thankful for a handful of people in my life who probably know me better then I know myself, and another that is well on her way. I’m just tired of feeling like I’m not good enough. That’s my prayer right now. I need to feel the Father’s arms around me and Him charging me to move forward. I need to feel His strength in me. I’m simply done with all these little insecurities.