I Am Not a Nice Man

Over the past few years and as far back as I can remember I’ve had the label of “nice guy.” A recent quiz that I took on Facebook reminded me of that when it labeled me as the “Nice guy that everyone thinks is gay.” That struck a chord with me because there were plenty of people in high school especially who saw me as the nice guy…who might just be gay. So while I thought the quiz was funny, and I’m glad some fellow Facebookers got a laugh out of it, I was reminded that I’ve kind of always been the guy that is seen as the nice guy. The sensitive guy…the one all the girls could talk to back in the day, but yet none of them would date. (Most of my girlfriends were outside of the friendly confines of school.)

I’ve come to realize over time that one of the things my ex desired was for her man to be a man of action. I was much more passive and I let the world beat me down. I didn’t often say “no” to her, or anyone else for that matter. I was docile and in truth, I failed to be a good protector. In the end, I lost her and she’s out there doing whatever it is she is doing and I’ve had to make changes in my life in realization of who God and Jesus really are.

There is something that I want people to understand: while I may have the nice guy personality, I am not a nice man. I’m trusting God to make me into a good man, which is far different than a nice man. I’m learning that the world’s definition of a nice man is a “yes” person who is passive and avoids confrontation. I’m seeing that the nice guy of today often lacks the courage to do anything more than be the shoulder to cry on, or be that special friend that a girl can depend on but doesn’t date because she has her eye on the guy with the courage to stand up and be real. I’m not passive anymore. Sure, I might be the shoulder that Jenn cries on if need be, at least I believe I am, but I can tell you this, if she’s wrong on something, I tell her, and I expect the same from her. If there is a problem that needs solving, I’m there…no questions asked. God didn’t call us to be the passive, little nice guys that many Christian men are today. We aren’t always supposed to be politically correct and proper. Jesus was not always so proper. Was it proper of him to drive solicitors out of God’s temple? No, it was not. But was it the righteous and holy thing to do? Absolutely!

I keep running this race towards God and the more I run towards Him, the more I understand that the true definition of a man isn’t just in how nice you are, but instead it’s about how far you are willing to go to be the man that God wants you to be. Does this mean being mean to people instead Mr. Nice Guy? No, of course not. However, it does mean telling someone “no” from time to time. It does mean protecting those who are hurting. It means taking action. It means being a man of integrity with the torch that lightens those dark corners of the earth. It means being a good man, not the defined nice man that we see today.