I wonder what people see in me. I mean when they actually spend time with me. I used to have a spirit that would manipulate a situation, to try and control things, or to turn it in my favor. Yesterday in the midst of all the hurt surrounding some news that I got, I made a mistake. I blurted it out to someone who did not need to hear it...and really no one did. I tend to say that I think...and it becomes gossip. It turned the reason I had for calling that person, which by the way was something completely different, into a supposed attempt to, yup you guessed it, manipulate and control the situation. That wasn't the truth. But because I made the mistake, and I guess I've made the mistake a couple times lately of gossiping in a moment of grief, that person perceived my intentions as disruptive and hurtful, when in reality, I was trying to show that person love.
This is something I desperately need to work with God on. I don't want people to take a view of me that I'm a hypocritical zealot who talks about God's love yet sows, however inadvertantly, harm and discontent. Thats not who I am now. I stand for the cross. I live a life for the Lord now, but that does not mean I don't sin. I'm still flawed just like the rest of us, so please, if you have the time say a prayer for the person I hurt and maybe even throw in an entry with the Lord for me. I want to be seen as someone representing that shining city upon a hill and not someone who does not show God's love.
2 comments:
We all goof up, Derek. People perceive us in a better light when we apologize for our mistakes than when we appear to walk flawlessly. People want level relationship, not distant competition for perfection. We all mess up in our desire to walk in His love, but we fail only when we give up. Apologize and try again!
Paul says it well in Romans 7:14-15: We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
With regard to your betrayal, I have been there and it hurts unmercifully. I am sorry for your heartache. In my experience, prayer for the offender is healing for your heart, and finding another person to care for and comfort (even in your brokenness) will strengthen you as your eyes are off yourself and on another. Self-focus will cripple you. I have been a pro at self-focus most of my life. Love and care for another will bring you joy and healing, I promise! Take the first step in effort (as weak as you feel) and God will meet you with His strength to finish the race! I am praying for you!
Thank you...I appreciate it so very much :)
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