I have never really known life without God being a part of my it one way or the other. His presence has always been there even when I have run from Him. However, as I look back now I have always struggled with how we are supposed to live our lives. Are we supposed to put up this image of living the cardboard cutout life where everything is perfect. You know the life where we make every single hurt and pain into positive rationalization? The example that comes to mind for me is when my grandmother passed away a couple years ago.
When Grandma passed away I had more than one person tell me that I should just take joy in the fact that she was with Jesus now. “It’s a day of celebration, you should be happy!” are words I heard as I nervously prepared to speak at the memorial service. Really? Try telling my mother that as she buries her best friend and prayer partner! Try telling me that as I say goodbye to the woman who helped mold me and supported me in all of my ventures. We all have to mourn. Even though we should be happy that our loved one is now with Jesus, we still need to mourn our loss! Somehow as Christians we tend to lose sight of that. We often move to the status quo that everything should be puppies and popcorn because we are Christians and supposed to be happy. The problem with that line of thinking is that it is just not real. That line of thinking is nothing more than that of a cardboard cutout.
As I look over this blog and reread the entries I wrote, I see that a large proportion of my entries have been rather serious and kind of sad. I suppose it could be a brighter blog, but it just would not be real. I want people to see the real me and what I have been through. I have not lived a perfect, clean, Christian life. I make mistakes and I will not make it look like everything is rosy when I struggle just like anyone else does. That being said, I tend to write more when something harder to deal with is on my mind. I have been blessed with a pretty amazing life.
I want anyone who reads this blog to identify with me. I am not a cardboard Christian. Who really wants to be anyways?
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