Crossroads

Its was a year ago today that my ex-wife woke up and walked out the door. It seems like it was yesterday, but yet it also seems like it was years ago. I spent the better part of a year grieving, fighting, praying, and trying to live. I did finally move forward and met somebody pretty awesome, but yet something has been missing. I haven't really known what God has wanted me to do. I keep thinking he wants me to do certain things but yet I keep talking myself out of it. I stand at the same point I did as a 16-year-old teenager in high school: answer the call I believe that God has on my life...or go my own way. Back then my own way took me into the military. I ran from the calling God had for me and I've been looking back ever since. I understand that God still blessed me with the wife he told me I was going to marry (remember its not his fault we failed), and I got to see a wonderful world. He totally blessed me, but something was missing. There was an emptiness. I felt like I missed what God wanted me to do in my life.

Flash forward now...I'm 30...yes, I'm old. I feel a call of God on my life, but don't know where. I am again tempted to go back into the service and finish out my pension. I don't even feel comfortable in my own church anymore. I don't feel used...I feel like a ship with no rutter. I feel like I am not serving my God-given purpose. Tomorrow I was scheduled to go in an take a military test for an officer program. I emailed the recruiter and made a different choice: I told him I wasn't going. I told him I didn't feel the military was where I'm supposed to be. This time I made a different choice. I gave up the security of a pension and a guaranteed pay check for the unknown.

When at C3's leadership training last Sunday, I asked the guys to pray for me. Ever since then my heart has been stirring. I'm starting to see. While I still have no idea what God wants me to do there is a clarity that is beginning to form. I have a choice to make soon...a risk to go for. I have nothing to lose, but yet its still a risk...it's a huge risk. What if I fail? What if I misread what God wants me to do? What if its all in my head?

I'm leaning towards taking the risk. What do you think? If there was ever a need for comments...I'd definitely take them now.