Birthday

Its been awhile since I've written. Mainly its because I've been contemplating alot more. With my divorce now final, and me moving on into another relationship (a refreshing one, I can tell you that) there has been so much going through my head. Its my birthday now and it seems like the best time to write.

I turned 30 today. As I now look over the past 30 years its been hard to face what I've done, where I've failed. I was a catalyst in blowing up my marriage. I ran from God and his calling for eight years and I failed in so many opportunities to share the love of God to other people. I feel like a failure. I feel like I've failed those closest to me even now. It seems odd to celebrate what I feel to be 30 years of failure.

However, I'm choosing to celebrate a little differently today. I'm not celebrating my past 30 years. I'm celebrating the fact that I still have plenty more years, God-willing, to be used for the Kingdom of God. I'm celebrating getting through this past year where I lost my wife, was abandoned by others, and had to fight for my faith against those who labeled me a fool. I've lived through the greatest pain I've ever felt and I've lived to tell the tale. I'm celebrating survival...I'm celebrating hope...I'm celebrating a chance to serve God again. I'm celebrating a new beginning. I'm believing in faith that over time the scars will heal and that I'll be able to truly love again. I'm believing that today marks the date that God himself marked the calendar and said "Derek, my son, will be born on this day."

For those of you that have prayed for me or simply read this blog and got something out of it...thank you. For those have you who stood the gap believing that I would make it through...I did with all thanks to the Lord. Thank you... I dedicate this birthday to my God and those that allowed God to use them to be there for me. I appreciate it. Thank you...thank all of you.