Seven months of retrospection have taught me something...that retrospecting is doing nothing but holding me back (or keeping me backward). For months, I've stood in faith, believing in a miracle for my marriage. For months, I've remembered good times and mourned over my mistakes. Where has it gotten me? Well, I still believe in that miracle, but I now truly understand what free will is. In mourning over mistakes I never truly forgave myself, and allowed others to lord them over me as a way to validate their own choices. I remember writing that post over a month ago about forgiving myself, and I've realized that if I had truly forgiven myself, I wouldn't torture myself about all the goofy things I did.
Its time I faced the truth - I made mistakes, but I'm forgiven. There is nothing or NO ONE that can hold that over my head any more. Recently, I learned that my name has been disparaged to members of the family and it hurt. My mistakes were twisted and used to justify another person's ill-advised choices. I had someone accuse me of horrible wretched things based on the words of another without that person even taking the time to ask me the truth. Does this mean I was innocent...no. At the very least, I'm a man who was guilty of poor timing. However, I stand before God a man that has been held accountable by him and forgiven for his sins. No more will I allow Satan or anyone else tell me how horrible a person I am because I made
mistakes. My sins are wiped clean.
Today, I move forward. Let anyone say what they want about me. Let anyone use gossip, assumptions, and opinions to say what they want about me. God knows my heart and he knows the truth. I can no longer be held accountable for mistakes that have been repented for and corrected. One day God will expose all the truths in my current situation, and I will be vindicated...in fact, I already am. I move forward today looking at a brighter future. I move forward knowing that Jesus died for me, and its my responsibility to pick up my cross. I move forward today knowing one thing... I'm free.
3 comments:
RUN WITH IT!
When I think of you, I remember your challenges...and that everything you are walking through is making you "Unshakable."
The irony of your comment is that things have changed so much since the day I first posted this blog. There's a certain strength and sureness that governs me that wasn't there 3 months ago. It can only be God. It certainly isn't me.
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