Impact

It’s amazing how much impact we can have on someone, even with the little things. Last night, I lost my stepfather, Jim Codner, to a heart attack. I’m not really sure how to deal with this loss, but I do know that this man made a distinct impact on my life.

As I grew older, he was one of the few people I could call, day or night, just to talk. I remember my first conversation with him after my ex-wife left me. He gave some of the most important advice I could have ever received. He was there in my most desperate hour, and I’ve never forgotten that.

Jim was also one of the few people who truly supported my writing. Uncle Rob told me last night how Jim was bragging about my work during a run down to Texas earlier this week. He constantly encouraged me to keep going, even when I didn’t write for a while. Jim believed in me far more than I believed in myself. He was proud of the man I became, and he wasn’t afraid to show it.

These examples seem like such little things, but they are indicative of the man Jim was. He saw the best in people; he believed in them. Jim used his own life experiences to help others fly higher than they ever could. He made a true impact on my life, and I will never forget that.

I will do the best I can to honor his memory. Earlier this year, I promised that I would finally become the person who finished what I started. I have a book that’s been sitting unfinished for nearly three years. It’s time to write the ending. I wish that I had done it sooner so he could have read it, but I can’t change that now. All I can do is say thank you and be there for the rest of the family, especially my brother Jimmy. I can only hope to have the same impact on others that Jim had on me.

Starting Over

Well, I’ve officially capped an unsuccessful summer with my most difficult rejection yet. Today, I received notice that my local school district had chosen someone else for the job. All of my doors are closed, and with school starting in a month, few if any doors will open between now and then. I’m not going to lie; it hurt. The opportunity to teach students full-time in this district meant the world to me. Seriously, I just want to teach. It’s what I live to do as a professional, and to not do that with my own classroom is absolutely devastating.

I’m hurting. I’ve interviewed with 11 districts, and none of them saw fit to hire me. That includes the school I graduated from, and the district I currently call home. That definitely kills an ego. It’s both humbling and terrifying. My wonderful wife has taken on the difficult role as the breadwinner throughout this process, and it upsets me that I can’t contribute the way I want to.

It’s easy to blame God or question my faith when things like this happen. However, that is something I refuse to do. I don’t know why these districts didn’t hire me, nor do I know when or even if I’ll find a job, but I do know that my God loves me. I have favor with him, and even though I’m going through my biggest trial since my divorce, I will trust God.

God has found various ways to keep my family afloat over the past couple of years, and I believe that He will continue to do so. He’s used everything I can think of to help us, and I refuse to believe that God is turning his back on me now. When this is all over, God will have the glory, and I will be thanking Him for finding me that perfect job for me. Actually, I might as well start now because it will happen. God will provide. I don’t know when it will happen, but it will.

Not Giving Up

Call me naïve, but I never actually believed that I would still be unemployed by June 18. I figured that my ability to build relationships with students, my service in the military, and my passion for teaching would make up for the lack of experience in the classroom. I was wrong.

Some people warned me that it might be June or July before I was hired. Others said that most of the good hiring was done in April or May. I decided that the best thing I could do was work my butt off looking for jobs, and that’s what I’ve done. I believe that there aren’t many people who have worked harder than me to find a job. I’ve done everything I can...well almost.

The truth is that I’ve never truly put this in God’s hands. I’m not sure why exactly. It’s not because of a lack of faith or because I want to do it on my own. Instead, I believe it’s because I wanted some level of control in the process. Now I'm still unemployed after months of researching and applying for jobs. I’m discouraged, and I want to give up.

However, if I were to quit, I’d be doing the exact opposite of what I taught my beloved students at Harrison not to do. I taught them that dreams are realities left unpursued. I taught them to never give up. So with my heart humbled and my feelings hurt, I’m going to continue pursuing this dream. And this time, I’m putting it in God’s hands. I choose to believe that I’ll be teaching full-time this fall, but even if it doesn’t happen, I will continue to believe in God’s plan for my life. I will not give up hope.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV)

For Granted

There’s something about music that seems to reach me in a way that nothing else can. I was driving to work this morning when K-Love played Jason Gray’s song “Good to be Alive.” The lyrics touched me in a way that I haven’t been touched in a long time.

Here are the verses that got to me:

I won’t take it for granted

I won’t waste another second

All I want is to give you

A life well lived, to say “thank you.”

I wanna live like there’s no tomorrow,

Love like I’m on borrowed time,

It’s good to be, it’s good to be alive.

I started thinking about my life, and I came to a sad realization: I’ve taken it for granted. What’s worse is that I’ve been doing it for a long time. I feel as though I’ve been living on the defensive ever since my ex-wife left me five years ago. It’s almost as if I’ve become nothing more than a survivor who is unwilling to truly feel or let people get close to me.

When I look at what I’ve been given, I should be grateful. The Lord gave me a wife who will never leave me. She loves me very much, and she will never give up on me. I’ve become a successful writer who now owns and operates a website covering my favorite team. I’ve been published on Yahoo! Sports, Apocalypse MMA and several other websites. Finally, I’ve finished the licensure process. I’m now a substitute teacher who has had the privilege of working with some wonderful students.

However, despite all of these personal and professional successes, I realize that I’m not really living life. There’s not a lot of joy in my heart; there’s not a lot of happiness. I simply live every day expecting it to be just as blah as the day before, and it’s all my fault.

The truth is I became so bent on trying to make up for past professional failures that I lost sight of what’s really important. God gave me a wonderful gift with Jenn, but I have continually pushed her away when I should have let her in. I’ve taken the greatest personal gift God could give me (outside of salvation), and I’ve built a wall between us. I didn’t want to risk feeling the same pain that I felt five years ago, so I went on the defensive, and I didn’t even realize it.

Moreover, I’ve built that same wall around my heart with God and the church. I believe Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, but for whatever reason, I’ve still kept a safe distance. I’ve put my heart into work instead of growing closer to my brothers and sisters at church. In short, I stopped feeling; I stopped living.

I only get one chance at this life. I love the Lord, and I want to please him. The time has come for me to stop living in fear of being hurt by others. The Bible tells us that "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV). Fear is not of God.

I don’t want to waste any more time. I could die of a heart attack tomorrow, and I don’t want to leave this world without serving God as best I could. I don’t want to take His gifts for granted. No matter how we want to frame it, we are on borrowed time, and I should be living every day like it’s my last on this earth. That’s my prayer for today – to live like there’s no tomorrow.

Answering the argument

I usually don’t pay any attention to the atheists who make statements on my Facebook feed. I don’t have a problem with them, and I have no desire to argue with them about God. Yet I saw an argument on my feed today that bothered me. Click here to read it.

It begins with Abraham’s post. He quoted John 3:16 and stated that Jesus loves you all unconditionally. “Atheist” replies by noting the condition, “whoever believes in Him.” The problem I see with many atheists is that they truly don’t understand what the Bible means. John 3:16 is referring to our salvation. Jesus is stating that we must believe in him in order to be saved and spend eternity with him. This does not mean that Jesus does not love us. I don’t always listen to my wife, but she loves me anyway. I haven’t always followed my mother’s advice, but she still thinks I’m the best thing since “All My Children.”

“Atheist” then refers to a scripture that he says led to his atheism: 1 Peter 3:15. That scripture states, “15 But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect...” (NIV)

“Atheist” argues that if you cannot present the evidence, you’re failing as a Christian, which has some truth to it. He or she also argues that “...if you DO have good evidence that you can present and you aren’t, then you’re wasting your time, potentially being the direct cause of someone going to hell.”

There are many problems with this argument. Peter wasn’t acting as God but giving advice about carrying out your faith in a world that is struggling. 1 Peter 3 spends much of its time giving fatherly advice in living your day-to-day life. It doesn’t condemn someone to hell for struggling. He’s giving sound advice on what things we should aim for as mature Christians.

I do agree that a Christian who is unable to present evidence of their personal faith is probably failing in some kind of way. But that does not mean they are failing as a Christian; it means that the Christian is not where he or she should be in their faith.

Peter stated that we should be prepared to present a defense of our faith, which should always be the case regardless of what you believe in. If someone asks you why you are a Christian, you should be ready to answer it. I mean, come on, I’ve never met an atheist who wasn’t prepared to explain why he or she is an atheist.

“Atheist” also mentions Matthew 6:6-8 and how the “public invocation of your deity” is a “big no-no,” but he or she fails to understand those verses are referring to your personal prayer time. There are multiple examples throughout the Bible of a spiritual leader or, in Israel/Judah’s case, a king, leading his people in prayer. God does not ban that.

“Atheist” also references Galatians 5:19-21 and how it bans idolatry. He notes that the special significance put on crosses and crucifixes by many Christians “bars” them from heaven. I agree that people who worship their crosses, crucifixes, and other artifacts are indeed committing a sin. However, only unforgiven sin bars you from heaven; that’s what John 3:16 promises. (I don’t, however, believe that having a cross or crucifix is wrong. It’s not an idol unless you treat it as such. Whenever I’ve had a cross, it’s always pointed me towards the one who bore it for me.)

At the root of this, it’s clear that this person has no real understanding of Christian doctrine. This is common with many (though not all) atheists. There are quite a few half-truths within his or her argument that make me believe that someone has deceived him.

If you’re an atheist and reading this, please understand that I respect your beliefs. I don’t agree with them, but I do respect them. What this person did was disrespect the Christian’s beliefs through mostly untrue statements about the Bible and its doctrine. What’s worse is that this seems to be happening more and more within the atheist community.

I don’t mean this for all atheists, but there is a point to be made here. If you don’t believe in God, that’s your decision. Why do you even bother attacking those who do believe in Jesus Christ? Just live your life. Have a great time. Why waste time criticizing a person who did nothing to attack your beliefs? And here I thought that Christians were the ones labeled as intolerant.

Saying Goodbye

It's been a long road. Tomorrow is my last day as a student teacher at William Henry Harrison High School. It's been one of the most rewarding experiences that I've ever had. I fell in love with this school district. More specifically, I fell in love with the students. They are such great kids, and it's been a privilege to work with them. I hope that I can somehow, someway keep it together tomorrow.

My Proof that He is Real

Every once in a while, I see or hear something that speaks to me. It’s always something that reminds me that our creator exists. Tonight, when I listened to the version of “Hallelujah” sung by three young ladies from Alaska, I felt God. I saw the gifts that He gave them in how they sang such a beautiful song. You can listen to their version of the song here.

We live in a world where so many people are dead set against believing that God exists. There are people who will find every excuse imaginable to argue that there is no God. But when I see three girls sing a song like this, I see the Lord, in all of His majesty, all of His glory, and in all of His love. God gave me the gift of song and the ability to write. But He gave my wife an eye for art and a certain grace that I could never have. If God isn’t real, then how could the beings that were made in his image have such different gifts? No one is the same. That’s how I know that God is out there.


"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” 

Psalms 139:13-16 (NIV)