Life Changes ... Moving to Colorado

Something interesting happened when Jenn and I got married. One day we had a conversation about where we would like to live. We both said, without hesitation, Colorado. That’s been on our hearts for years, although we eventually started thinking that God meant for us to retire there or something like that instead of moving there now. Well, I guess we were wrong.

God’s hand has definitely been on us with this move. I had no idea that we would be heading to Colorado when I reopened the job search in February. In fact, we made the decision to apply everywhere at first. I applied to jobs in Alaska, Oklahoma, South Carolina, North Carolina and other places. I even filled out paperwork for positions in the Virgin Islands and China!

In the end, we narrowed down our search to a couple states: Tennessee, Colorado and Ohio. I think I submitted applications for every open social studies position in Ohio between March and early May. However, only one school in Ohio called me in for an interview, and although I did well, I wasn’t chosen for the next round.

Last year, I interviewed with 13 districts in Ohio. This year, it was a different story. With that in mind, I braced for another long summer, and quite frankly, I wasn’t looking forward to it. The job search humbled me in many ways in 2013. I didn’t want to go through it all again this year, but that’s what I was starting to think would happen one day when I came home to several rejection emails from a single district in Colorado.

However, something was different this time. A thought came to mind about a tiny district in Walden Colorado that I had applied to two weeks before. I looked up the district’s phone number and decided to give them a call. I’m not sure what pushed me to take action that day, although I can make a pretty good guess. The phone rang and a recording noted that the school was closed on Fridays. I shrugged and figured I’d leave a message for the principal. Instead, I was surprised when she answered the phone. Somehow, someway, I scored a 20-minute phone interview with her right there on the spot.

The principal told me that she was glad I called, because she had put my resume aside, hoping to learn more about me. She remembered me as the Navy guy who sent her an introductory email a couple weeks back. The principal then explained that the school planned on narrowing down a list of interviewees on the next day. She asked me to sell myself on why I should get an interview. I did the best I could to explain my background and passion for teaching, and as we were getting ready to hang up, she asked me if I could make it out there for an interview if I was chosen. Trusting God, I said that I would.

I got off the phone knowing that I’d made a good impression, but I wasn’t sure I would get an in-person interview. Knowing the expenses involved, Jenn started asking God to close the door if I wasn’t meant to teach in North Park. Well, I guess God had other things in mind, because the principal called me the following afternoon and offered me an interview.

I flew out to Denver a few days later and drove through the mountains to Walden. I prayed here and there along the way, and I eventually arrived a few minutes before my scheduled interview. The principal’s husband was there to greet me. He took me on a tour of the school and the town as the interview board finished up with another prospective teacher. Soon I was sitting in the hot seat in front of five different interviewers.

I’d like to tell you that I gave a perfect interview, but I didn’t. I made some mistakes along the way. I’d like to tell you that I felt confident as I drove back to Denver that night. I’d like to tell you that the job was mine as I landed in Cincinnati the following Saturday afternoon. The truth is that I went home thinking that I did alright, but I had been down that road before.

The principal called me on Monday morning and offered me the job. I wanted to say yes immediately, but we felt that we needed to take it before our church family before we gave a final answer. We also considered everything, including money. It was clear that making the move would fulfill a dream of both of ours, but it would also put us in debt. In the end, it was the lack of a reaction from our church family that helped us make a decision. I figured they would question everything if they felt in their spirit that we shouldn’t go. Instead, they blessed us and gave their support for the move. I accepted the job the next morning.

Here’s the deal: we’re trusting God here. There are plenty of questions in our lives right now. Jenn and I have no idea why God chose Walden for us. All I know is that we’re both excited and scared. We’re excited about whatever the Lord has for us, but we’re concerned about the amount of debt that we’ll have to take on for this move. We know that God made this happen, and since it’s the work of His hands, we can rest assured that we’ll be just fine.

There is one request that we would have from everyone: prayer. We need a lot of prayer. There is plenty of stress over the finances of this move, and we would really appreciate our friends and family stepping up and praying for us. Teaching is my mission field. I’m there to make a difference in my students’ lives and in the community. Please pray that we continue to rely on God to meet our needs and believe in His purpose for our lives. Thank you all for your love and support! We’re going to need it on this awesome adventure.

Starting Over

Well, I’ve officially capped an unsuccessful summer with my most difficult rejection yet. Today, I received notice that my local school district had chosen someone else for the job. All of my doors are closed, and with school starting in a month, few if any doors will open between now and then. I’m not going to lie; it hurt. The opportunity to teach students full-time in this district meant the world to me. Seriously, I just want to teach. It’s what I live to do as a professional, and to not do that with my own classroom is absolutely devastating.

I’m hurting. I’ve interviewed with 11 districts, and none of them saw fit to hire me. That includes the school I graduated from, and the district I currently call home. That definitely kills an ego. It’s both humbling and terrifying. My wonderful wife has taken on the difficult role as the breadwinner throughout this process, and it upsets me that I can’t contribute the way I want to.

It’s easy to blame God or question my faith when things like this happen. However, that is something I refuse to do. I don’t know why these districts didn’t hire me, nor do I know when or even if I’ll find a job, but I do know that my God loves me. I have favor with him, and even though I’m going through my biggest trial since my divorce, I will trust God.

God has found various ways to keep my family afloat over the past couple of years, and I believe that He will continue to do so. He’s used everything I can think of to help us, and I refuse to believe that God is turning his back on me now. When this is all over, God will have the glory, and I will be thanking Him for finding me that perfect job for me. Actually, I might as well start now because it will happen. God will provide. I don’t know when it will happen, but it will.

Not Giving Up

Call me naïve, but I never actually believed that I would still be unemployed by June 18. I figured that my ability to build relationships with students, my service in the military, and my passion for teaching would make up for the lack of experience in the classroom. I was wrong.

Some people warned me that it might be June or July before I was hired. Others said that most of the good hiring was done in April or May. I decided that the best thing I could do was work my butt off looking for jobs, and that’s what I’ve done. I believe that there aren’t many people who have worked harder than me to find a job. I’ve done everything I can...well almost.

The truth is that I’ve never truly put this in God’s hands. I’m not sure why exactly. It’s not because of a lack of faith or because I want to do it on my own. Instead, I believe it’s because I wanted some level of control in the process. Now I'm still unemployed after months of researching and applying for jobs. I’m discouraged, and I want to give up.

However, if I were to quit, I’d be doing the exact opposite of what I taught my beloved students at Harrison not to do. I taught them that dreams are realities left unpursued. I taught them to never give up. So with my heart humbled and my feelings hurt, I’m going to continue pursuing this dream. And this time, I’m putting it in God’s hands. I choose to believe that I’ll be teaching full-time this fall, but even if it doesn’t happen, I will continue to believe in God’s plan for my life. I will not give up hope.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV)

Challenger

On January 28, 1986, Americans sat in front of televisions in their homes, at work, or in other places and watched as the space shuttle Challenger exploded just minutes after lift-off. America’s edge in the ‘space race’ suddenly was in doubt, and the dreams of so many young kids who wanted to be astronauts were vanquished in fear that we’d never go back to space again. There was something mystical about America’s journey to space, and to have a program that many people saw as invulnerable and a symbol of American hope go up in a ball of flame stunned us all. The lives of the Challenger astronauts were lost, but we all fell into the ocean with them.

I remember that day. I’ll never forget hearing the news while on a California playground. I remember coming home that night and watching on the news with fascination as videos of the launch played over and over again. I couldn’t fathom what happened. It shocked me to my core. I loved the space program. I loved reading about it, and I certainly never forgot the night when all of us sat as a family around the television and watched “Space Camp.” I wanted to go to space. That was my dream, and for a moment it was dashed.

On February 10, 1986, Time Magazine published an article by Ed Magnuson that held me in my chair. I pored over the article, grieving in my heart over what had happened. Of course, the cover of the issue had the image of the explosion on it, and I couldn’t look away. What had happened? Months later, the magazine published a report explaining the Roger’s Commission’s findings about the shuttle explosion. As the article explained the Commission’s findings, I sat engrossed doing all that I could in my eight-year-old brain to understand what had happened. When I set the article down, I realized something. My dream hadn’t died; in fact, I was fascinated even more by space, space travel, the stars and planets, and anything else that might be out there. The Challenger tragedy did something in me that I couldn’t fathom: it focused me on the wonders of what might be out there.

I went to school and started reading everything I could about space and the planets. I sat in science class in awe of what we learned about the rings of Jupiter and the ice planet named Pluto. I pondered the possibilities of life on Mars, and what might really be going on in that big glowing ball in the sky known as the Sun. Years later, I’m still fascinated. I love to watch the night sky and search for its wonders. It still fascinates me to watch a shuttle launch. It represents humanity’s drive to shoot for the stars, and to resiliently press on. The destruction of the Challenger shuttle and the deaths of its crew were not in vain. They galvanized me and people like me to keep dreaming even when things go wrong. Sometimes we will fail, but we must try again. It’s about living the dream and pursuing what God made us for, and when we fail we just need try again. On September 29, 1988, a long thirty-three months after the Challenger disaster, space shuttle Discovery returned to space and again carried the hopes of the American nation to see the stars. Sometimes it’s not about our successes, but about our failures and how we respond to them.

News, Notes, and Other Stuff

Just a few notes from a rather eventful weekend:

A. The shooting in Arizona is disturbing on many levels. Already many citizens complain that our Representatives and Senators are distant from them, and now I have to think that elected officials will be even more concerned about setting up in town hall-like settings. It’s dangerous.

It’s sad that our society has come to this. Now we have mentally unstable people who resort to violence in an effort to get their point across. It happened in 1994 with McVeigh, 2000 with Columbine, and now 2011 with an assassination attempt on a Congresswoman. What can be done to stem the tide? What can be done to stop senseless actions that serve no purpose?

By most accounts, Rep. Giffords has been a good congresswoman for her district, and it’s sad that now she battles for her life. It’s even worse that other bystanders gave up their lives, too. A nine-year old girl? A federal judge? Others whose only crime was simply being there? It’s a sad weekend for our country. I don’t care if you’re Democrat or Republican, Tea-Party or Ultra liberal, moderate or conservative. None of that should matter now. All that matters is the lives lost, and hearts broken by violence.

B. Jenn and her dad did a great job working in the house last week. They managed to paint the big loft-hole up from the living room ceiling to the bedroom and the entry hallway/stairwell in our condo. What makes it particularly special is why she did it: she did it for me. The main reason she wanted to paint was to help make the condo more of a home for me. She wanted something a little more “us.” I’ve yet to take part in the painting itself as she and her dad had things well in hand by the time I’d get home, but they did a great job. They worked hard. I look forward to helping Jenn with the office, two bathrooms, kitchen, and our bedroom in the coming weekends. It’ll be slow with me studying and all, but we’ll get it done.

C. The Buckeyes’ win in the Sugar Bowl last week was bittersweet for me. I’m not one of these people who are crushing the Buckeyes’ football program, but it does disappoint me that the five suspended players were allowed to play. I’m glad they do face punishment, but I don’t like that Ohio State had to throw their compliance department under the bus to protect players that knew better. I don’t like how some people are trashing OSU’s program as a whole. The program itself is not guilty, as far as we can tell, of paying players or paying for players. It’s not guilty of any recruiting violations that we are aware of. Yet I saw some people calling for major penalties to be leveled against the program. Really? Seriously? The players themselves made the mistakes, and low-class mistakes that they were, the OSU football program headed by Gene Smith and Jim Tressel did not commit those mistakes. The mistake I think they did make was allowing the kids to play in the bowl. Still, they are suspended for five games. I hope they all come back to school and keep their word to Coach Tressel, but we’ll see.

D. Great playoff games this past weekend, especially on Saturday.

E. School starts tomorrow. I’ve spent the past couple weeks trying to relax and get my mind ready, but it doesn’t feel like I am. I better get ready in a hurry, though! The next couple of months are going to be tough. The three classes I’m signed up for my first semester at Xavier are ENG 525, Shakespeare (oh boy), ENG 550 Images of America (modern film in literature, which, I come to find out, is not really all that modern), and ENG 672 Modern Drama. This means tons of reading, probably lots of papers, and loads of time. I’m still working full-time so I’ve got a full plate, and I admit it’s intimidating.

F. Jenn and I both have re-committed ourselves to eating properly and managing a good healthy weight. We both have marathons to plan for this year, and she has her Ironman race in November, so there is a lot of work to do this year. Here’s to making dreams come true.

Thoughts – November 30, 2010

I haven’t blogged in awhile, but I figure it’s time to write something. It’s an interesting world we live in this holiday season. The economy is fluttering, sports politics are growing more confounding, and yes, the threat of war is becoming more of a reality than I think people realize. Here’s what’s been on my mind:

1. North Korea – In Bill Clinton’s autobiography “My Life,” he listed North Korea as a higher threat than Iraq. Many people didn’t take that seriously, but I think, in hindsight, he was right. This year the North Koreans allegedly sunk a South Korean ship, and this past weekend they fired on a South Korean island, injuring and killing civilians. They say American-South Korean exercises in the region are provoking war, but in reality, it’s they who are consistently acting to provoke war in the Koreas. It should not surprise anyone if war breaks out at this point, and anyone who thinks the United States would not be a part of it is crazy.
2. Speaking of North Korea, I think the whole WikiLeaks thing is ridiculous and disturbing. What these clowns at WikiLeaks think to be telling the truth is really undermining diplomatic relations with other countries. What good does that do? I hope the Americans responsible for leaking the information are finally found and prosecuted under the maximum strength of the law. There’s a reason these documents were classified. It’s repulsive to me to see a group so carelessly release information like this.
3. President Obama proposed freezing the pay of federal workers yesterday for two years. I wouldn’t have a problem with this if President Obama, congress, and all the employees in his cabinet also had their pay frozen. Their ability to use federal funds to take vacations on the government’s tab should be halted as well. The rest of us have to pay for our own vacations, so should the President and the rest of the government regardless of what party they are in. However, none of this should be happening until Congress cuts back spending first. People shouldn’t be forced to live by a standard because the government that is supposed to be serving us overspends drastically. Fix your own house first, and then ask others to make changes. It doesn’t make sense to place burdens on others when you haven’t solved the root issue. Stop spending. This, combined with stopping Bush-era tax cuts, would hurt the President, not help him. The President and the members of the United States government need to stop treating its citizens as though we are here to serve them. On the contrary, they are elected to serve us.
4. I’ll be very surprised if the United States wins its bid to host the 2022 World Cup on Thursday. They have the best infrastructure to host it, and it made FIFA a ton of money when it hosted the 1994 World Cup, but I honestly believe there is a lot of political garbage going on in the background with FIFA. I’ve come to realize that FIFA is about as corrupt as the IOC is, and that’s not saying much. Don’t be surprised to see Qatar hosting the cup in 2022. It’s a shame really because to everyone’s shock and amazement, the country that spent the most money traveling to South Africa this year for the World Cup was the United States. There is no doubt in my mind that Americans would spend large amounts of their hard-earned money on a World Cup hosted on their soil.
5. I failed to reach my goal of writing fifty thousand words for my novel in November. I just got too busy, and to be honest, I’ve really struggled with writer’s block of late. Trying to weave a good story together is harder than I thought. And actually, I fear it will be terrible (though my wife continues to have confidence in my ability to make this project a success).
6. A friend of mine gave her life back to the Lord recently. I must say I’m so excited to see God work on someone’s heart. If we ever doubt that God is real or maybe debate over His love for us, we only need to take a careful look at what He can do with the human heart. His miracles never cease.
7. Married life is among the most wonderful gifts God can give, but I have to admit, it’s frustrating. But it’s not Jenn that frustrates me. She’s not perfect by any means; she is human after all, but I love her the way she is. However, I’m frustrated with myself. I don’t understand why I do some of the things I do, and I struggle to grasp how she can keep loving a guy that has all these internal issues that go on all the time.

Where Oh Where Has the Blogger Gone?

I know I have a limited audience for the blog (consisting of my wife and maybe two or three other people, but who’s counting?), but I have to say I miss getting my point across. The truth is I’ve been writing, just not here. I’ve made comments over the past couple years that I’ve wanted to write a book. It’s been dream for about a decade, actually, yet I could never discipline myself enough to start writing. However, that’s changed recently. About two or three months ago, while I was taking my normal lunch walk across Silver Bridge into Newport, Kentucky, I got an idea for a fictional story that got me excited, and it also wrenched at my heart. When I came home and pitched the story to Jenn, she jumped on board and told me to go for it. Ever since she told me it was a good idea, I’ve been working on it, baby steps at first but now I’ve become much more disciplined in how much time I spend writing. I’ve set goals for how many words a day I write, and, as a result, my blog entries are down. I love writing. It’s become a passion of mine, and right now I’m passionate about finishing this first manuscript before I start school in January. I hope and pray that this story I’m writing will be published one day and will touch a lot of hurting souls.

I have a lot of other random thoughts to post as well. Here goes:

A. The political campaigns this year are making me sick. It seems like the Democrats are going even more left than they already are, and the Republicans are more to the right. Why can’t we have a party that mixes the best ideals of both sides?

B. I find it interesting how so many people are trying to get “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” repealed, people who have no idea how life in the military would be affected by it. Even the upper echelon officers who are for it don’t have a clue. Why? Because they rarely, if ever, have had to share a close confined space with anyone else who may or may not be gay while in the military. The only exceptions may be while they were at the academy. They’ve always had their own rooms or just one roommate since they were commissioned. That is why it’s important to note that it’s been reported that most Chief Petty Officers are against the repeal. They’ve had to live in close quarters conditions throughout their careers and understand the privacy issues at stake here. My point is that so many people are trying to take care of the interests of the minority in this respect, but what about the interests of the majority? Do they not matter? I remember sharing a berthing onboard the USS Supply with eighty-seven - let me say it again: eighty-seven - other men, some of whom we knew were gay. It was very difficult. Why? Because we didn’t have privacy. There was one guy whose rack was right across from mine. His name - I kid you not - was Casanova. One day we had both just come out of the shower, and he looked across the aisle at me and stared at my “area” as I was getting my uniform on, then proceeded to make inappropriate comments to me about his genitals. I was very angry, and a week later I moved all of my things to another rack.

The problem with repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is that a large percentage of our troops live and work in close quarters. Our berthing areas are built for men and women to live apart separately. If the law is repealed, then you’d have to separate openly gay servicemen and women from the straight ones and provide berthing for them to provide privacy to the other servicemen and women. That becomes a conundrum in itself because, then, where do you berth them? You can’t berth together gay men and women in one berthing, nor can you give them their own individual berthing. Military ships don’t have that kind of space and it would insinuate special treatment. So there are a lot of issues that are not being addressed by proponents of the repeal. All they are thinking of is that they want equality and rights, but they are not thinking of how it affects the troops who are straight and have to live everyday life with them. My solution: If you are going to repeal it, work out the logistics first and take into account how those logistics affect everyone before you repeal it.

Anyone who knows me knows where I stand on the issue of homosexuality in general, but I must stress that I consider my feelings to be separate in this case. This is a military policy that needs to be addressed.

C. So there is hope for the Rams after all. I’m glad to see progress with my favorite squad!

D. It’s almost been a year since Jenn and I got married. It’s been an amazing ride so far, and there is no better woman out there to take that ride with. I look forward to growing closer with her as we grow older together. I love her with all of my heart.

Rants... Rants... Rants...

Pardon me, but I need to vent. There are so many things annoying me today, and I figured I should write them down.

1. If you want to cheer for Lebron James in his Miami Heat jersey, fine, but show some intelligence: don’t go to a Cleveland Indians home game wearing the jersey, especially when the Indians are playing James’ favorite team, the Yankees. You're asking for trouble. This reminds me of the time that I, as a stupid teenager, wore my Magic Johnson Lakers jersey and New York Yankees cap walking through Quincy Market in Boston. I got some dirty looks, but I am so glad I didn’t pull that crap at Fenway. Drunk Red Sox fans would likely have maimed me, even if I was only a kid.. You’re asking for trouble.

2. If you say you are a Christian, you need to act like it. You are never going to be perfect and you will make mistakes, but don’t be on your high-horse talking about God one moment and the next minute cussing people out and mistreating them. That’s disrespectful to other Christians who are doing their best to live in Christ and love people, and it throws mud on the face of Christ.

3. Okay. Middle-aged, balding white males should never - and I mean never - have dreadlocks, especially dreadlocks down to your butt.

4. Priorities, Priorities. This is not meant towards all parents, but just a choice ignorant few out there. Here’s an example: Let’s say I’m single and have two kids, with some money put away. We live in a small place which is definitely in need of an upgrade. The kids are old enough to get involved in sports, or maybe need tutors to help them with school. The kids haven’t been to a dentist in years, and one of them needs braces by the looks of their teeth. School is drawing near and they need new clothes. Which of these should I do with some extra money I’ve saved, and in what order?
A. Get the kid braces.
B. Get the kids in soccer, baseball, swimming, etc.
C. Get new clothes for the kids for the school year.
D. Get a tutor for the kid that struggles in school.
E. Get a bigger place that suits the family better.
F. Get myself Botox.

Anyone here think Botox is the first choice? I may not be a parent yet, but I still know that your kids and their needs always - let me say this again, ALWAYS - come first. You are their provider and you are the one that should be meeting their needs. No one else should be responsible for making sure your kids’ needs are met. God gave these kids to you, and to you alone, to raise them up and take care of them. So do it. There is no “I got botox because I deserve it” when your kids’ needs are not met.

5. There are numerous people out there who live their lives with illness and they still find a way not to mistreat other people. Just because you are sick, that does not mean that you have license to disrespect other people, even if you believe they’ve disrespected you. The Golden Rule still applies.

6. It might not be a good idea for a woman to go to a job interview dressed in a rather short pink party dress. I’m thinking that that won’t be seen as proper.

These are all instances I’ve seen in the past few days. I don’t mean to embarrass anyone or call anyone out specifically. I just need to vent. Some of it is just funny to me, and some of it is pretty serious. All of us are human and we all make mistakes. I am no judge, that’s for sure, I just needed to vent a little.

Backpacking Thoughts – Memorial Day 2010

Jenn often tells me that she feels closest to God when she is out in His creation. That’s one of the reasons she likes backpacking so much. So when we headed down to the Smoky Mountains, I was hoping to commune with God just like she does. I was wrong. That’s not to say that it wasn’t a fun trip. It just means that I see God differently than my wife does. I usually see God’s finger on clear nights where stars shine bright in the sky. However, there were no clear skies for us on this trip. Clear skies would have made a good trip a great trip.

The first day of the trip we aimed to be on the trail by 11:00 am, but a landslide forced us to take a three-hour detour to get to our starting point. And in the process, we got separated from the couple we were going with. So we didn’t get started hiking until 2:30 p.m., and it was a near 7-mile climb up the mountain! We had little time to spare if we were going to get camped and dinner before nightfall. Along the way we came across a rather large snake (it scared the crap out of me, but I’m glad it was not a rattlesnake or copperhead), some interesting insects, and at about five minutes away from our campsite we saw a big black bear that stared us down.

We got to our campsite at around 6:30 p.m. We immediately set up camp, and just as we were meeting our neighbors our partners in crime for this venture, Jeni and Darren, made it to camp. Jenn, Darren, and I went to filter water out of a rather nasty water source, and then we all ate dinner before crashing for the night. The one special part of the evening, besides me getting scared by that snake, was the young deer wandering into our campsite. It walked up to about 10 feet from us. It was just a beautiful sight.

The second day started with an early climb followed by about 7 miles straight downhill. While this was easier on the cardio, it was harder on my knees. There isn’t much to say about this day except it was just a lot of work. Jenn and I couldn’t decide if we were going to camp the night or just hike the extra two miles back to our cars and start the trip to South Carolina. I wanted to finish it and go, and she wanted to stay. In the end, we stayed and it wound up being a better idea, except that whatever I’d eaten that day had made me a little sick. That and my legs were really just done. They were sore and swollen. Thankfully, Jeni and Jenn saw how much I was struggling and let me be. Jenn and I took a “bath” in the stream we camped by, and we had a nice night with Jeni and Darren around a campfire.

The following morning, mostly due to Jenn’s mad problem-solving skillz, we broke camp in the rain while staying as dry as possible. We made it to the car, drove to the Visitor’s Center, got cleaned up, and put some nice fatty food in our systems. Overall, it was a fun and challenging weekend. The only thing I missed was what Jenn usually finds: a moment with God that says He’s there. It was nice to see her bask in God’s creation. For me, it was a reminder of how different we all are, and it has me thinking that I really need to seek God’s face to figure out where I best hear His voice. Seeing Him in the stars is one thing, but learning to recognize him in everyday life is another.

Thoughts

I have nothing to really focus on today, but I have a few thoughts to share.

A. I’m going back to school. I waffled on what I’ve really wanted to do with my life for about two years now. I believe God has a plan for my life, so I’ve made on-and-off again plans to go to seminary, but the truth became clear to me recently that it’s just not where I feel God is leading me. I’ve long wanted to be a teacher and I keep letting myself give up on that little dream. I just believe that God will use me best in the classroom, so that’s what I’m choosing to work towards. So I’m applying for the Masters of Education focusing on Secondary Education program at the University of Cincinnati. On Monday night, I scheduled myself to take the GRE on July 1st. (If any of my friends who read this blog and know me well would like to write a recommendation for me, I would appreciate it. I need a total of three to turn in to UC.)

B. If you are doing anything that has the potential to physically and/or mentally hurt you, and there are methods of safety available to you, please use those methods. Seriously, like if you are riding a bike then wear a helmet. If you are welding something, wear your helmet and gloves. Stay safe.

C. I was listening to Mike and Mike in the Morning yesterday and they were debating whether or not Pittsburgh Steelers’ Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger should be even more active in charity work than he already was in order to rebuild his image. Why do people always assume it’s charity work that rebuilds a person’s image? They had Michael Vick doing the same thing after his dog fighting ring conviction, but it’s not the charity work that has quieted talk about him. He’s just focusing on life and staying away from the things that got him all the negative attention. Before Roethlisberger got himself in trouble, he had already formed a poor reputation for himself. I’ve come across quite a few fans that have noted his conduct in restaurants and other public places. Yahoo Sports Blogger Matthew Darnell recently noted that Roethlisberger has this type of rep with teammates and fans in Pittsburgh. So if Roethlisberger really wants to rebuild his reputation among fans, teammates, and the general public, he doesn’t need to be involved in more charities or even any charity. He just needs to behave like a respectful human being and stay out of the situations that he’s put himself in. If he were to start getting involved in all these charities now, it would seem forced and inauthentic. He needs to be real and make changes in his life.

D. A recent AP story reported the story of a homeless man who, while defending a woman in an altercation, was stabbed and left for dead in New York City. Numerous people walked past this man without helping him. Some stopped to look at him, while another person actually turned him over and saw him lying in a pool of his own blood. This reminds me of the biblical parable “The Good Samaritan,” that Jesus spoke of (this is also mentioned in the above article). I don’t understand how people could do this. I just don’t. Have we grown so cold in our society as to not help a person in need? It reminds me of how much our country and the world is in of a Savior.

Blessing

Ever since I started working in downtown Cincinnati, I’ve been searching for my purpose here. Sure, I’m supposed to be a good husband to Jenn, but I can be a good husband to Jenn anywhere. (I’m still working on the whole good husband thing. I love her so much, but I also make a lot of mistakes. At least she likes me. :-) So why am I in Cincinnati? I confess I’m not a big fan of the place, though I do enjoy walks through the park at lunch time. I’m grateful for my job, but I’m restless in it. So what do I do? In my last blog entry, I noted some of my passions, include helping the homeless. I’ve sort of made it a hobby of mine to try to feed a homeless person whenever I see one. I know Jenn is both stressed and proud of me when I do this: we don’t have a lot of money, but I just need to give. These people don’t have anything.

So anyway, last Friday during lunchtime I walked to the ATM machine to pull some cash out. I prayed to bless someone as I walked there, but I saw no one. I grabbed my cash, and looked again. As I approached the corner where Starbucks and Duke Energy are located, I looked across the street and saw a man sitting in front of Walgreen’s. He was smoking a cigarette and had a cardboard sign in his hands. I turned, crossed the street, and knelt down before him.

“Hi, there! Are ya hungry? If it’s okay with you, Sir, I’d like to take you out to eat.”

He looked at me a little surprised and said, “Yeah, I’d like to. I haven’t eaten all day.”

I smiled at him and said, “Come on, let’s go.”

He put out his cigarette and scrambled to put all his things into his duffel bag. He said, “My name is Richard,” as we started walking.

“My name is Derek, and it’s nice to meet you too, Richard,” I replied. “Now, what would you like? There’s a Wendy’s right here or Skyline Chili and some others. What can I get you?”

“Wendy’s is fine,” he said, so we walked into Wendy’s and got in line.

“Well, what would you like?” I asked.

“I just want a fish sandwich and an ice water,” he replied. I looked at him a little stunned. He could have asked for more. I was willing to get him more.

“What, you don’t like fries? I’ll get you fries,” I said.

“No, it’s okay,” he said, “You’re already nice enough to get me a sandwich,” he stated.

“Richard, get anything you want!” I said, pointing at the menu.

Still, he chose to get the sandwich and water and backed away from the counter while I waited in line. As he walked off to the side, I couldn’t help but notice that he looked around a lot. He seemed nervous and uncomfortable, not because he thought he was in trouble, but rather, he seemed concerned about what people thought of him being there. My guess is that he felt like he didn’t belong in Wendy’s, or maybe around a group of people who were cleaned up and employed. I realized he did not feel safe. I watched him closely and noticed that he wasn’t the stereotypical homeless man that you imagine when you hear the word “homeless.” He wasn’t dirty, and he didn’t smell bad. He wasn’t exactly well-groomed, sporting a long bushy beard, but he didn’t look that raggedy. But what struck me most was how tired and worn-down he looked. You could just see it in his eyes: he needed help. My heart reached out to this man, and I was happy to be able to put something warm in his belly. However, I wasn’t the only one who felt for him.

As I watched Richard, the man in front of me turned around and shoved a five-dollar bill into my hand, saying, “I see what you’re doing. It’s a nice thing to do.”

I was stunned.

“Sir, you don’t have to do this,” I replied, handing the money back to him, but he waved me off and walked away. I didn’t know what to do with myself for a moment. I started to tear up as I handed the five-dollar bill to the cashier, and I continued to fight back the tears while waiting for the food. This man saw kindness and gave it back out of nowhere. It dawned on me then that giving breeds giving. The fact that I was loving Richard by trying to feed him worked in the heart of someone else too. (Or, should I say it was the Holy Spirit that worked in his heart?)

The cashier gave me Richard’s food, with an extra cup of water, and I handed Richard the food. As I looked at his rough and bearded face, I couldn’t help but feel compassion for this man, and in my heart I knew exactly what to say. I reached my arm out to him and said, “The Lord wants you to know that He has not forgotten you.”

Richard looked at me for a brief moment and replied, “I know.”

I held the door open for him as he walked back out into the street, and I told him if I saw him again out here I’d feed him.

I walked back to work feeling something in me that I could only describe as purpose. In that moment, God had given me an opportunity to bless someone, and in doing so, he also allowed someone else an opportunity to bless me. I felt in that moment that God’s purpose and will was served through me, and it was such an amazing feeling. Now here I am three days later writing about this, and I’m thinking that what happened really was such a small thing. However, this “small thing” blessed three people that day. I’m thankful for the opportunity to bless Richard that day, and I’ll be sure to pray for him in the future. But in the meantime, I’m going keep blessing other people. It’s the only way to live.

Meet the Parents

Well, this weekend was interesting to say the least. Jenn and I both met our soon-to-be in-laws and I must admit, it went well. I was pleasantly surprised at how welcoming her parents were with me. They even fed me! I’m just kidding. Of course they fed me, but they genuinely enjoyed getting to know me a little bit too. I really enjoyed getting to know them a bit, and by getting to know them, I learned a little bit more about how Jenn is built.

Jenn meeting my parents turned out to be a little awkward. The kids were unusually shy and my dad managed to be AWOL, but she did enjoy meeting and talking with my mom. My mom liked her and even noted that she’d never seen me happier. Jenn and I even sang our songs for Sunday morning for the family.

By the way, we did sing for her parents’ church. I guess we did okay. I was still a little nervous, but I calmed down when I realized there were no tomatoes heading my way. I also earned brownie points for the weekend for taking Jenn to Grandpa’s Cheese Barn. Among the important things to learn about her so far is that she likes cheese…a lot. Ha!

Divorce

I’m a little frustrated to watch the news nowadays. Everywhere I turn, there is someone getting a divorce. It’s just so hard to watch. The most recent one I saw was with the reality television show “John and Kate Plus 8” on the TLC Network. It’s frustrating to read their reasoning as to why the divorce is “necessary” and how easily they are playing it off like it’s better for their kids that they split apart. That rationale just doesn’t make sense. It’s not like the husband is abusing the kids or his wife. There is no real reason to just give up. I don’t know what kind of people they are or what exactly they are going through and I definitely want to be careful not to judge, especially since I am divorced too. However, I question their decision to divorce based on a few thoughts:

1. Have they forgotten the commitment that they made to each other when they married all those years ago?
2. Have they even tried counseling? Judging from the statements they’ve made, I can tell you that the book and seminar “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs would certainly be able to help them there. It doesn’t seem like they are even trying. Seriously.
3. Divorces affect your kids for the worse, not the better. It sets a poor example of commitment and leads the children to have to deal with parents who are often opposing each other instead of supporting each other. To try and say that getting a divorce is better for the kids is like saying that coffee is better for you than water. It’s just not true.

To me, if you really care about your kids’ welfare, you’d get your television show off the air, seclude yourself from the media, get counseling to repair your marriage, and prove to your children that a marriage is more than just words, it’s action.

I don’t mean to come across as judging. I’ve been there. I went through parental divorce and I went through my own divorce. It was worse than death for me, and it’s only taken God intervening in my life to get me to the point where I can love and trust again. I believe we have to fight for our marriages or else the commitment we made before God, family, and friends becomes absolutely meaningless. It seems people get married for the fun nowadays but are unwilling to help build something greater, and something greater is what God meant marriage to be.

Anyways, let’s keep that family in prayer, as well as other families. Satan seeks to steal, kill, and destroy, and where better for him to do that than within God’s created institution, marriage?

Songwriter

When I was a teenager I used to spend a lot of time writing lyrics. In fact, I used to have binders full of them. I’d work on putting music to them and I’d often sit alone trying to sing them through. I didn’t tell many people I’d written these lyrics. Only a couple people really. In fact, if you were my friend and remember me showing you my binders of lyrics, raise your hand because I don’t remember. I’m pretty sure I showed a couple friends from church, but for the most part, they were a hidden part of me. However, there was one song that I wrote right before I went to boot camp that was pretty special, and I showed it to my grandmother. She loved it and took a copy of it and taped it up on her study door. She never took it down, and as far as I know, it was one of her most treasured memories about me.

A couple years ago when my grandmother passed away, my aunt gave me a box of memorabilia that Grandma kept of mine. The song that I’d given her was on the top of the box. I read it through and wished that I could write like that again. I knew it was a pipe dream, so I put the box away and moved on, missing that part of who I was. I used to sing, and I used to write. Now, I could do neither.

As I began walking towards God again, I began to really see my passion for music returning. I asked God to give me back my voice, and I’ve started to sing again. I’m not sure how good I am anymore, but I did sing at that wedding in May and I think I sounded okay, even though I was a nervous wreck. Something else also happened: I started to write again. It came out of nowhere; I just started writing. I’d be sitting at my desk at work and the words would just come. Then last week, I was over at Jenn’s place, and we had just enjoyed lunch together. As she went back to work, I grabbed a pen and paper and started writing. Twenty minutes later, Jenn heard me singing the song I’d just written and walked out of her office, looking at me funny. What’s going on with me? A few days later, I was trying to remember how the tune went for that song, and I finally got it and sang it for her. Suddenly, she just got up and walked out of the room. As she was walking out I asked her what she was doing. She called back that she was looking for a way to record the song so I wouldn’t forget it again, and so that she could figure out the chords for it. What? This thing is decent enough to record? Apparently! Now my mind is constantly moving… there’s music in my mind and words flowing out of it. Where’d this come from?

(Incidentally, Jenn has long desired to write songs for God, though she’s never been able to. Now, she’s ecstatic that perhaps He’s finally answering her prayer by giving me to be her partner in such projects. Pretty cool, eh? Yeah, we’ll make a good team. But she still hasn’t bought into my plan to form a band together. Ah, well, give her time!)

Car

I realized recently that my car was dying. Maintenance was piling up on it and it was becoming a concern that it would hold me back from taking part in events that I wanted to take part in. I've taken to simply thanking God that it got me to work all the time. However, after a recent oil change I knew I needed to buy a car soon. I also knew that I wanted to buy new. I wanted that car to be mine from the beginning with no history to it. It's been in the back of my mind for awhile now. I just haven't had the courage to go for it.

Today was a normal day. I was on my home from work on I-70 and saw a sign for a Toyota dealership and I remembered the ad that was on the River 104.9 for them. I figured I'd stop in just to look around. I wanted to see what was going on. I felt like I was being pushed to go there...so I went. When I got to the lot I felt completely at ease about it. I talked to a dealer and we first started looking around at cars. I started asked more pointed questions and inside I started praying. Originally, I was only going to lease. In fact, when I went inside I started talking to the dealer about leasing. I prayed and while the dealer was away for a moment I called my mom. She was very persistent about me not getting a lease. When the dealer came back, I told him to check on buying. I prayed some more...and more, and I finally negotiated the dealer down to almost the same payment I would have been making had I leased it. I agreed to buy the car and was sent over to the finance guy.

While talking I saw an opportunity and made the statement, "This car is about my faith more then anything." He looked at me and said, "I'm curious, why do you say that?" I looked him in the eye and replied, "Because buying this car in an economic time like this with me working at a job I just got hired at means I'm trusting in the Lord to take care of me." He looked at me for a moment and didn't seem to know what to say. I thought to myself, "Wow, where did that come from?"

I think tonight I had a divine appointment with that man...just to share a little bit about faith. When I bought this car, I didn't freak. I trusted God and I believe that having this car is peace of mind that I'll be able to go wherever God needs me to go on the drop of a dime. Making the payments will be close every month and I have to change my spending habits, but I understand what happened in that dealership tonight. The Lord was with me.

Patience

So anyone who has been close to me knows that I can be impatient. I actually used to be alot worse but life's trials have made me a bit more resilient. Still a recent example has me a bit frustrated, and as with any single guy...it's about a girl. There is someone in my life that I've grown to really like (ok...sounds so high school right?) but it seems that what I'm wanting isn't close to what she's wanting. My gut instincts are telling me...patience. My mind is telling me...do what I always do...press in (bad idea really). My heart, well my heart just likes the girl and wants her to be happy. It's hard to like someone and really want something, but then you have to know to be patient and trust God with it. That's my problem really. I keep saying I'm going to trust Him with my life, purpose, journey, relationships, and then I grab onto the wheel. When I grab the wheel it becomes more like I'm playing bumper cars then riding in a car. I think I'm more of a control freak then I realize.

I need more patience with people (like that girl who happens to be very special) and I need more patience in my God. He's never failed me...never will. He'll work all those things out in my life. Psalm 27 reminds us to wait on the Lord...and of course we all know that Paul said that "He who began work in us will complete it." I know I'm asking for trouble on this one, but I'm going to go ahead and say it. My prayer for today is that the Lord would give me more patience. Ok...now that I've said it, lets watch the adventures I start having. Happy Saturday!

UFC 96...and Lifechange

Every year and every time the UFC comes to Ohio, my brother and I have a tradition of putting down whatever money we can and we go. We love going to watch mixed martial arts and its usually our big bonding time of the year. This year was a little bit different because we decided to go all out and get floor seats. I thought it was a waste of money because there wasn't a title fight on this card and I didn't want to spend that kind of money for a card without a title fight. However, the entire thing proved us wrong. Our seats were by the fighter's entrance and exit and believe it or not, at one point we were on TV as one of the camera guys came and got footage of us cheering. One of the guys we were hanging out with confirmed we were on TV! We had such a blast!!!! We met numerous fighters from Junie Browning to Randy Couture. It was such a great time.

However, it was also a sad time. At every other UFC I've ever been to I've noticed some of the wrong things that surround the sport, alcohol, sex, and vanity included. However, last night with the Arnold Classic in town, it really hit me hard at how many people in that arena were lost or maybe even confused. I realized that if the world were to end today a large portion of the people in that arena would spend their eternity in Hell and not with Jesus. It broke my heart. The Lord is beginning to form more of a heart for the lost. It's not to judge but to love and let God do the rest. My prayer is that God continues to each day give me a bigger heart for Jesus.

Also I saw LifeChange today at church. It happened with my brother upon hearing Konan preach this morning. The funny thing is Jimmy told me last night that he did not want to go to church this morning. I stood my ground and told him, "You know the rules, if you stay under my roof, when Sunday comes around, you are going to church." He hushed his mouth and this morning with very little resistance he went to church. Now my brother is very outgoing and has a very commanding presence, but when he walked into my church, I saw him shrink. Something within his heart was humbled and all the bravado went away. When Keri came up to do the frisbee thing with the new visitors, he shied away and I actually had to point at him to get him to take a frisbee. I laughed and said, "Come on Jimmy, you're the same person that can go to all these public places and light it up, but you're going to back away in church." He looked away from me and I backed off not wanting to push him away, but it was very noticeable how different he was behaving. Then Pastor started his message and Jimmy, being HDAD as he is, sat and listened to everything Konan said. He didn't just listen but he laughed with, studied, and digested everything that was said. The message that Konan spoke today was a message that was designed for my brother even though the point of the message was for something else.

When we left church I asked Jimmy how it was and he said it was great and then he proceeded to actually go through the scriptures and the message with me. At this point, I saw an opening and reminded him that God has a plan for his life. He said he doubted that, but I said he did. Jimmy then pointed out a house and sat maybe its that house. I replied with: "No Jimmy, he has a plan for you." At this point he expressed doubt before going back into talking about the message some more! I was absolutely stunned at the sudden change in my brother! What was going on? Well, God was going on. Before Jimmy left I ended up giving him my Bible and reminded him of God's plan. He also wanted C3's website and requested to know where to get the podcast of the message. Man, I hope our guys upload it soon to the site because my brother is hungry. Today is the day I truly realized that Jimmy will one day walk with Jesus again and I believe its going to happen sooner rather then later. Praise God.