Saying Goodbye

It's been a long road. Tomorrow is my last day as a student teacher at William Henry Harrison High School. It's been one of the most rewarding experiences that I've ever had. I fell in love with this school district. More specifically, I fell in love with the students. They are such great kids, and it's been a privilege to work with them. I hope that I can somehow, someway keep it together tomorrow.

My Proof that He is Real

Every once in a while, I see or hear something that speaks to me. It’s always something that reminds me that our creator exists. Tonight, when I listened to the version of “Hallelujah” sung by three young ladies from Alaska, I felt God. I saw the gifts that He gave them in how they sang such a beautiful song. You can listen to their version of the song here.

We live in a world where so many people are dead set against believing that God exists. There are people who will find every excuse imaginable to argue that there is no God. But when I see three girls sing a song like this, I see the Lord, in all of His majesty, all of His glory, and in all of His love. God gave me the gift of song and the ability to write. But He gave my wife an eye for art and a certain grace that I could never have. If God isn’t real, then how could the beings that were made in his image have such different gifts? No one is the same. That’s how I know that God is out there.


"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” 

Psalms 139:13-16 (NIV)

My Legacy

Last weekend, Jenn and I traveled up to Cleveland, Ohio, for our first marriage conference as a wedded couple. I have to be honest here: I didn’t want to go. It wasn’t because I didn’t value time with my wife or the information the conference had to offer. Instead, I was concerned about getting some school work and writing done in time for the end of the month.

I was also concerned that this conference would try to make me pour my heart out to a bunch of strangers. That certainly wasn’t at the top of my list for the weekend. However, the folks at FamilyLife designed this seminar as more of an informational session. They were there to help us open up lines of communication with our spouses. I appreciated that, and I quickly bought into the weekend.

The truth is that I’ve spent so much time pursuing my dreams that I allowed my priorities to get out of order. I wasn’t giving my wife the time she needs with me, and in truth, I missed her. This past weekend in Cleveland wasn’t a cure-all, but it woke me up to the needs of my family. It reminded me of how much Jenn loves me . . . and how much I love her.

I have to make changes in my life. I have a legacy to protect. My wife and I plan on starting our family soon, and I must be ready to lead this family. I must be prepared to raise my children to love the Lord. I must become the person that I want my kids to become.

It probably sounds a bit prideful for me to talk about my legacy. However, that’s not how I view it. I want my grandchildren and great-grandchildren to grow up serving the Lord. I want them to trace their family line and know that I set the example for them. I want my family tree to show men and women of God who boldly spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ throughout the world. I know it begins with me. I’m the one God assigned this role, and He gave me Jenn to help make this happen.

It begins with Jenn. It all begins with her . . . the love of my life. I understand that I must protect her, encourage her, and love her. I know that I must help her grow into the woman that God desires for her to be. Jenn is the greatest gift that the Lord could ever have given me (outside of my salvation), and I need to treat that gift with every ounce of love I can give her. When we have our children, they need to see how much we love and honor each other. They will learn from us how to treat their spouses . . . and how to love God.

It all comes down to what kind of house Jenn and I build. My legacy begins with a sacred declaration, a rule.

“But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”  Joshua 24:15 (NIV)

My legacy – our legacy – is to be built on this rule: My house will serve the Lord.

The Guitar

Photo credit: T.J., Wikimedia Commons

I once had this beautiful guitar. I bought it from my brother-in-law when I was at Ohio State, but I decided to put aside learning how to play it until I finished school. Unfortunately, that never happened. Just two weeks before I graduated from college, my wife left me. A couple weeks later, I felt an impression upon my heart to return the guitar to her brother. I believed it was the Lord telling me what to do, so I fulfilled the request.

The only problem was that I didn't want to give it back. I had already lost my wife, so why should I have to lose the guitar too? I was in a lot of pain, and the guitar would have been the perfect outlet for that pain. It hurt me to give it up. I didn't understand why the Lord wanted me to return it to her brother (I still don't know), but it left me feeling even more empty than before.

A couple weeks later, I went home to visit my family for Christmas. I was completely miserable. It was my first Christmas in years without my wife, and I was as lonely as I could be. I spent hours a day tearing myself down while everyone else was trying to support me. Nothing my family tried to do would work. There was no joy...no happiness...no hope.

When Christmas morning came around, I watched the family open gifts without much interest. Then my mother handed me a large box. As I unwrapped the present, she told me how Joel 2:25-26 kept running through her mind as she contemplated buying the gift. In the verse, God says the following: "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten--the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm--my great army that I sent among you." (NIV)

I found a brand new guitar inside the large box. I burst into tears as I embraced my mother. I couldn't believe that what I had lost just days earlier had now been returned to me. Joy filled my heart at the gift that I knew that God had provided for me. Even though I never fully learned how to play the instrument, I spent many nights sitting with it in my arms passing the time away. When I practiced on it, everything else moved into the background. In those moments, I remembered how much God loves me. He literally re-paid me what was taken from me, and God did it in a way that made me feel important to Him.

I now believe that the guitar was meant to symbolize something else. I think God was telling me that everything else that I had lost would be returned to me. It's been four years since that Christmas, and I can tell you that the Lord has more than restored what I have lost. He's given me something greater. I'm re-married to a woman who I know will never give up on me, even when my own insecurities get in the way. We have a home together that's ours alone. Finally, we have a home church that loves us.

As I sit here this morning, I realize that I'm a blessed man. Despite all of my imperfections, God has blessed me. I know that sometimes I'm too blind to see it, but that doesn't change what he's done for me. It started out as a guitar, but it's grown into something far more wonderful than I could ever imagine.