Blessing

Ever since I started working in downtown Cincinnati, I’ve been searching for my purpose here. Sure, I’m supposed to be a good husband to Jenn, but I can be a good husband to Jenn anywhere. (I’m still working on the whole good husband thing. I love her so much, but I also make a lot of mistakes. At least she likes me. :-) So why am I in Cincinnati? I confess I’m not a big fan of the place, though I do enjoy walks through the park at lunch time. I’m grateful for my job, but I’m restless in it. So what do I do? In my last blog entry, I noted some of my passions, include helping the homeless. I’ve sort of made it a hobby of mine to try to feed a homeless person whenever I see one. I know Jenn is both stressed and proud of me when I do this: we don’t have a lot of money, but I just need to give. These people don’t have anything.

So anyway, last Friday during lunchtime I walked to the ATM machine to pull some cash out. I prayed to bless someone as I walked there, but I saw no one. I grabbed my cash, and looked again. As I approached the corner where Starbucks and Duke Energy are located, I looked across the street and saw a man sitting in front of Walgreen’s. He was smoking a cigarette and had a cardboard sign in his hands. I turned, crossed the street, and knelt down before him.

“Hi, there! Are ya hungry? If it’s okay with you, Sir, I’d like to take you out to eat.”

He looked at me a little surprised and said, “Yeah, I’d like to. I haven’t eaten all day.”

I smiled at him and said, “Come on, let’s go.”

He put out his cigarette and scrambled to put all his things into his duffel bag. He said, “My name is Richard,” as we started walking.

“My name is Derek, and it’s nice to meet you too, Richard,” I replied. “Now, what would you like? There’s a Wendy’s right here or Skyline Chili and some others. What can I get you?”

“Wendy’s is fine,” he said, so we walked into Wendy’s and got in line.

“Well, what would you like?” I asked.

“I just want a fish sandwich and an ice water,” he replied. I looked at him a little stunned. He could have asked for more. I was willing to get him more.

“What, you don’t like fries? I’ll get you fries,” I said.

“No, it’s okay,” he said, “You’re already nice enough to get me a sandwich,” he stated.

“Richard, get anything you want!” I said, pointing at the menu.

Still, he chose to get the sandwich and water and backed away from the counter while I waited in line. As he walked off to the side, I couldn’t help but notice that he looked around a lot. He seemed nervous and uncomfortable, not because he thought he was in trouble, but rather, he seemed concerned about what people thought of him being there. My guess is that he felt like he didn’t belong in Wendy’s, or maybe around a group of people who were cleaned up and employed. I realized he did not feel safe. I watched him closely and noticed that he wasn’t the stereotypical homeless man that you imagine when you hear the word “homeless.” He wasn’t dirty, and he didn’t smell bad. He wasn’t exactly well-groomed, sporting a long bushy beard, but he didn’t look that raggedy. But what struck me most was how tired and worn-down he looked. You could just see it in his eyes: he needed help. My heart reached out to this man, and I was happy to be able to put something warm in his belly. However, I wasn’t the only one who felt for him.

As I watched Richard, the man in front of me turned around and shoved a five-dollar bill into my hand, saying, “I see what you’re doing. It’s a nice thing to do.”

I was stunned.

“Sir, you don’t have to do this,” I replied, handing the money back to him, but he waved me off and walked away. I didn’t know what to do with myself for a moment. I started to tear up as I handed the five-dollar bill to the cashier, and I continued to fight back the tears while waiting for the food. This man saw kindness and gave it back out of nowhere. It dawned on me then that giving breeds giving. The fact that I was loving Richard by trying to feed him worked in the heart of someone else too. (Or, should I say it was the Holy Spirit that worked in his heart?)

The cashier gave me Richard’s food, with an extra cup of water, and I handed Richard the food. As I looked at his rough and bearded face, I couldn’t help but feel compassion for this man, and in my heart I knew exactly what to say. I reached my arm out to him and said, “The Lord wants you to know that He has not forgotten you.”

Richard looked at me for a brief moment and replied, “I know.”

I held the door open for him as he walked back out into the street, and I told him if I saw him again out here I’d feed him.

I walked back to work feeling something in me that I could only describe as purpose. In that moment, God had given me an opportunity to bless someone, and in doing so, he also allowed someone else an opportunity to bless me. I felt in that moment that God’s purpose and will was served through me, and it was such an amazing feeling. Now here I am three days later writing about this, and I’m thinking that what happened really was such a small thing. However, this “small thing” blessed three people that day. I’m thankful for the opportunity to bless Richard that day, and I’ll be sure to pray for him in the future. But in the meantime, I’m going keep blessing other people. It’s the only way to live.

Primal

I finished reading Mark Batterson’s “Primal” today and I must say it left me convicted. It’s not like I have been doing anything wrong. That’s not the point. I guess the point is what have I been doing right? What have I been doing to love God? I took from this book that there is more to our walks with God than just not doing things wrong. There is more to loving God than just avoiding sin. It’s about pursuing His plans for us. It’s about running after the dreams and passions He’s given us. It’s about taking action to love God.

But how am I loving God? Seriously, in my everyday life, what do I do to love God? Who have I talked to about Jesus today? Who have I asked to church today? Who have I loved today that reflects Christ? What am I so passionate about I know that God’s finger is upon it? Truthfully, I can not answer these questions without feeling convicted. I did not talk about Jesus to anyone today. I failed to even think about inviting someone to church today. I hope I have shown my wife God’s love today, but that would probably be it, and she could actually say differently. Oh, and lets not forget my passions. I am thirty-one years old and I still am not sure what I want to be when I grow up. My degree from Ohio State is great to have, but I am not using it. I work for a good company and it is a blessing in troubled economic times, but I’m not passionate about it. What am I passionate about? Writing, I’m passionate about writing. I’m really passionate about writing. I’m passionate about singing. Oh, and the most interesting one to me: the homeless. When I see a homeless person it tears me up. I want to help. It’s like a need to help and over the past month, it’s only been building in me. These are my passions…it’s living, breathing, and growing in me, but still I do very little. The art of “doing” is the problem. The primal Christian takes action and does not sit in the shadows trying to live the easy life. Despite the hardships I faced in life, I never pressed in on God. I always settled for the easy walk. Well maybe I don’t want an easy walk. I want everything that God wants for me…I want primal.

Writer's Block

So, I haven’t been writing as much this year. Some might say that it’s because I’m newly shackled and I have less time to write, but that was probably only true two or three months ago. The truth is that I’ve had writer’s block. I haven’t had anything move me into writing. But it’s a little more than that. It’s been a hidden passion of mine to write a book. However, like my long-term dreams to see all thirty Major League ballparks, to run a marathon, and to go back to Italy, it seems I struggle to motivate myself. Something always holds me back, or should I say that I’m holding myself back?

Before Jenn and I got married, I started asking God to bring my passions to the surface. At first, that isn’t what He did. First, He worked on issues that I’ve had buried in me for years, and He began a healing project deep in a heart full of pain and scarring. The truth is that I probably fought God on these issues, and more than likely, I still am, but I’ve been giving way to Him. As a result, (the big secret revealed) the depression that I’ve long dealt with is becoming less prominent in my life, and today as I walked down Broadway in sunny Cincinnati, I smiled at the joy in my heart that I’ve yearned for.

Now my passions are coming out. I’ve had this secret dream of living in Colorado and waking up every morning with a big mountain outside for years. In the past, in this blog, I’ve mentioned wanting to write a book about marriage, and while that is still on my to-do list, the other book I’ve wanted to write for about ten years is a novel. I’ve long had a passion for books, especially books where the characters find redemption and themselves. I love Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings (and to a lesser extent The Hobbit), the Left Behind Series (though the quality of it towards the end did not suit me), Stephen King’s The Dark Tower series, and my childhood favorite, The Stand. There are others I can mention like The Shack, and even Robert Ludlum’s Bourne series, but for me The Lord of the Rings and The Dark Tower take the cake. I know some of you are thinking, “Captain Christian is reading Stephen King?” Well, yeah…the man is an amazing writer, though you won’t find me reading Gerald’s Game any time soon. Regardless, my desire is to write my quest story, and recently ideas have started flowing out of my head. I believe it’s because the other issues holding me back are healing away. I cannot get them out of my head!

However, at the same time, I’m afraid. I’m afraid to write this book and have it fail miserably. I’m afraid that I’ll write a book that people pan and throw away. Basically, I’m afraid of failure. It’s hard for a man who has “For the Lord has not given us a spirit of fear; but of love, of power, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7 KJV) tattooed on his back to admit he’s scared, but yeah, I’m horrified. I look at myself and think, “Yeah, I’m a decent writer, but not great, and I’m just not very creative, so why should I write this?” But I can’t get it out of my head. It eats at me night and day. It’s always at the back of my mind. It’s becoming my passion and I must find a way to muster the courage to write it. So, prayers please! I know I won’t find the courage to write it on my own.

There Is a Need

Today is one of those days where you stop and realize you have no idea what to do about a situation. I guess that is a time when you have to just bend your knees, and pray for a miracle. If you are a praying person, that’s what I’m asking for. Someone I’m close to is hurting loved ones by their every action. This person is so broken that he/she is paralyzed into inaction. The scary thing about it is that it’s been this way for nearly 10-15 years. Every day it gets worse. Words and encouragement do nothing to help. It seems even that prayer is not working. However, that is not what God’s Word says. God’s word says He hears every prayer and that He holds our tears in his hands. I’m asking those of you that pray to pray for this loved one. Those of us close to him/her are tired and frustrated. We’re at the end of our ropes and it seems there is no hope. However, hope is in the blood of the Lamb and we can’t give up. Please, I beg you, pray for this person. I believe that these prayers will make the greatest difference. I love this person so much and I’m so tired of seeing him/her struggle. I’m tired of seeing those that love this person struggle. It’s time for a change. It’s time for the touch of God.

Please don’t message me and ask who it is. I will honor the wishes of our loved ones and not say who. All I can say is please pray…I honestly believe a miracle can be had. Thanks…