Impact

It’s amazing how much impact we can have on someone, even with the little things. Last night, I lost my stepfather, Jim Codner, to a heart attack. I’m not really sure how to deal with this loss, but I do know that this man made a distinct impact on my life.

As I grew older, he was one of the few people I could call, day or night, just to talk. I remember my first conversation with him after my ex-wife left me. He gave some of the most important advice I could have ever received. He was there in my most desperate hour, and I’ve never forgotten that.

Jim was also one of the few people who truly supported my writing. Uncle Rob told me last night how Jim was bragging about my work during a run down to Texas earlier this week. He constantly encouraged me to keep going, even when I didn’t write for a while. Jim believed in me far more than I believed in myself. He was proud of the man I became, and he wasn’t afraid to show it.

These examples seem like such little things, but they are indicative of the man Jim was. He saw the best in people; he believed in them. Jim used his own life experiences to help others fly higher than they ever could. He made a true impact on my life, and I will never forget that.

I will do the best I can to honor his memory. Earlier this year, I promised that I would finally become the person who finished what I started. I have a book that’s been sitting unfinished for nearly three years. It’s time to write the ending. I wish that I had done it sooner so he could have read it, but I can’t change that now. All I can do is say thank you and be there for the rest of the family, especially my brother Jimmy. I can only hope to have the same impact on others that Jim had on me.

Starting Over

Well, I’ve officially capped an unsuccessful summer with my most difficult rejection yet. Today, I received notice that my local school district had chosen someone else for the job. All of my doors are closed, and with school starting in a month, few if any doors will open between now and then. I’m not going to lie; it hurt. The opportunity to teach students full-time in this district meant the world to me. Seriously, I just want to teach. It’s what I live to do as a professional, and to not do that with my own classroom is absolutely devastating.

I’m hurting. I’ve interviewed with 11 districts, and none of them saw fit to hire me. That includes the school I graduated from, and the district I currently call home. That definitely kills an ego. It’s both humbling and terrifying. My wonderful wife has taken on the difficult role as the breadwinner throughout this process, and it upsets me that I can’t contribute the way I want to.

It’s easy to blame God or question my faith when things like this happen. However, that is something I refuse to do. I don’t know why these districts didn’t hire me, nor do I know when or even if I’ll find a job, but I do know that my God loves me. I have favor with him, and even though I’m going through my biggest trial since my divorce, I will trust God.

God has found various ways to keep my family afloat over the past couple of years, and I believe that He will continue to do so. He’s used everything I can think of to help us, and I refuse to believe that God is turning his back on me now. When this is all over, God will have the glory, and I will be thanking Him for finding me that perfect job for me. Actually, I might as well start now because it will happen. God will provide. I don’t know when it will happen, but it will.