A Husband's Love

Love your wife as Christ loved the church. Give yourself up for your wife. [Ephesians 5:25]

As I've noted before I made many mistakes in my marriage. Failure to love my wife as Christ loved the church is definitely the most prominent one. Its now that she's gone do I even fully understand how much I love her. God literally pulled the blinders away from my eyes in the weeks prior to our separation, and now I completely understand what I should have been as a husband. No, I'm not beating myself up or anything like that, but I have learned my lesson. I do believe that God will allow me a second chance one day when I'm ready. In the meantime, like my focus last weekend was to be able to forgive, now this weekend it's for my wife, to take her to the foot of the cross and lift her up to the Lord. If you have a moment during the weekend just to pray for her, I'd appreciate it.

Full Armor of God

Yesterday was probably the worst day in months that I can remember in terms of being attacked spiritually. It literally felt as though I was being held down to the ground by some invisible hand. Thoughts of failure and temptation riddled my mind. I prayed...and prayed some more. Then texted David and asked him to pray. It was an ongoing battle as I moved throughout the day and it wasn't until I actually started my way home from work and get serious with God that it finally ended. I looked back later on as I laid on my couch just exhausted from the day and noticed that I had not put on the full armor of God yesterday. Ephesians 6 talks about it and its definitely a subject of many teachings in church as a child, but what does it mean to put on the Full Armor of God? Its made up of the Gospel of Peace, Belt of Truth, Breastplate of Righteousness, Shield of Faith, and the Sword of the Spirit (God's Word). What do you think it means by putting it on? This morning as I prayed I literally spoke out that I was putting the armor on. The truth is God gives us his resources to defend ourselves when Satan comes against us. So how is it sometimes we fail? Just something for thought. Only you can really answer that question on your own behalf. As for myself, I'll just be honest and say that is something I'm seeking the Lord about.

What Forgiveness Brought Me...

Last weekend, I spent my time with God forgiving both myself and my wife for our marital transgressions. I chronicled a little about it here, but I can tell you as I went down my list and crossed stuff off, I felt a little bit more free with each cross off. When I finally finished I felt that total freedom that I've been waiting for. However, another gift was also released to me. There was a newfound love and fervor for my wife that I have not felt in a very long time. Instead of whispering unforgiving things under my breath to her, I began whispering words of love and passion to my wife instead. Today as I got news from my wife that she was getting work done for the dissolution papers from her, I responded by first seeking God for her and then I replied to her in an email with words of compassion, love, and care that only God can give.

Forgiveness brings these thing out for us...freedom, love, power, strength, courage, etc. God does it...he always does. Rebekah, thank you btw for posting all those forgiveness verses in your comments.

Just a Quickie...

Saw this on Godtube and had to share: http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5

Father and Son Salvation

Yesterday, my buddy David's son, Alex, gave his life to the Lord. David and I were actually on our way home from a bible study when David noticed a text from Alex. He clicked on the text and Alex started right away stating that he'd done it. David and I had both noticed that Alex was close to making that critical decision and that was one of the reasons we had started a rotating fast during the week. David had actually just talked to Alex the previous Wednesday about it, and basically planted the seed. David prayed and fasted, and I prayed and fasted, and here on Sunday afternoon Alex went up on an altar that afternoon and gave his life to Jesus. David immediately starting calling around and texting folks to let them know that Alex had committed his life to the Lord. What a joy!!!

David is going through his own struggle, but the cool thing is that Romans 8:28 is exemplified in this example. I asked David if he hadn't gone through what he's gone through and become what he is now as a result, would Alex had gotten saved last night? He replied no. You see one of the first things God dealt with in David when David returned to the Lord was David seeing God has his father...as his Daddy. As David gained that relationship with God, God enabled David to build that type of a relationship with his children. David and Alex are closer then they have ever been. Alex wants to be with his Daddy every chance he can get, and now he has both the Spiritual Daddy and his earthly Daddy. Whenever we wonder about God's faithfulness in a rough path remember that God causes all things to come together for GOOD for those who love him. Congratulations Alex on your salvation. Your world has been opened to all that God has for you.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28 (NIV)

Still Plugging Away...

As I continue to work on my forgiveness list, I realize how hard it truly is to forgive people, yet God does it everyday. We're forgiven to the point where we are openly allowed to approach the throne of grace to petition the Lord with our wants and needs. I'm blown away by this. It simply amazes me that God loves us so much that he not only forgives us our sins, but then desires for us to come to him with our needs.

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrew 4:16

I don't know about you, but I have so many needs I can barely keep count and yet the Lord knows my every need. So while I keep plugging away on my forgiveness list, God himself is going before me. I stand amazed...simply amazed.

Forgiveness...

One of the things we as human beings find it hard to do is to forgive people and ourselves for that matter. This is something I've talked long and hard with my Executive Pastor and friend, Gary Fowler (you can find the link to his interesting and yet witty blog off to the right) with over the course of the past couple months. The truth is, as I'm sure you might have guessed, that I haven't forgiven myself for the mistakes I made in my marriage. I understand thats who I was, but I tend to go back over and over again and think about all the failures I committed. So this weekend I'm committing my time to forgiveness for both myself and to be able to forgive my wife. Everyday I wake up and say that I forgive her, but yet I catch myself yelling at her under my breath in places like the shower or when I'm fixing something to eat. I need to forgive her too. Anyways the idea I got from Gary is kinda mutated now but in short I'm going to isolate myself with just God and take each issue I need to forgive both myself and my wife to him...and then forgive.

In order to move on with life...in order to love...in order to truly love God and others the way we are meant to do, I must forgive....I want to forgive...I will forgive, with his help...I will forgive.