Used

Most people don't like to be used. I do. I don't mean it in the sense that I'm running around doing everyone else's errands, but I love it when God uses me. Lately, God has been using what I've been through over the past 9 months to encourage and help others. While I can tell you that life has not been fun with this ordeal, seeing God use me has made all of the pain worth it. I love my God, and I'm thankful to serve. I'm thankful that he's using what happened for his glory. I'm so glad to be used.

Hero

Growing up in a home where my adopted father and I did not meet eye to eye, I've spent time over the years looking to other men and fictional characters trying to identify what I should be. As I fell away from the Lord, I identified more with humanities view of the modern hero more then God. I've long been a fan of Superman and what the character stood for...truth, justice, and the American way. When I played games, I looked for the definitive warrior that stood strong for what it believed in and fought for what was right. Anyone who has gotten to know me over the years knows that I've never backed down from what I believe in. I believed that I taught my timid and reserved wife to stand up for herself and stand up for what she believed in. I tried to be a role model for all the younger brothers and sisters that were growing up in my parents home. However, now when I look at it, I've looked at heroism and not acknowledged the greatest hero of all...Jesus Christ.

Jesus came to this world to die for not just one brother in battle, but for all mankind...and he did it while standing up for whats truly right. He did it while showing the greatest love of all to mankind. He's the true hero...he's the warrior that we all seem to sell short sometimes. He's the Son of our Living God who died for all of us. He's my Hero and I can't wait to one day embrace this Man and bow my knees before him. I live now to serve him. He's my Hero.

Communicate

What do you think happens when two best friends talk to each other less and less? I'd venture to say as the friends talk less, they grow apart. Its the same way in any relationship ranging from your relationship with God to your relationship with your spouse. In terms of marriage relationships, the whole men are from Mars and women are from Venus thing is true! Men think differently then women and vice-versa. The only way to bridge that gap is to communicate. God intended for us to communicate openly and honestly with our spouses. Its no wonder that when communication slips, a marriage slips. I know of one marriage where the wife was thinking of divorcing her husband for a year before finally telling him. He hadn't even seen it coming! She left him three weeks after finally letting him know. This is how important communication is. If we can all learn to communicate the way God intended us to, we can avoid ever being in those situations.

You Get Hit...

God speaks to us in many ways. He knows our personalities and therefore is able to pick out those things in which He is best able to communicate to us with. I'm a movie fan, and tonight as I sat in front of my television watching Rocky Balboa, He communicated with me. There was a part in the movie where a guy is reading Zechariah 4:6: "Not by might nor by power, but by My spirit says the Lord of hosts." (NAS, I think the movie version is different). Today, I riddled my mind trying to think of a way to communicate with my loved one, to get her to see this is a mistake. When something popped in my mind, I didn't go running to her and say it. Instead, I asked God to confirm for me that this was the right step. What I got was this message from him tonight, reminding me of His supremacy. We always try to find a way to do things ourselves, and odds are if I had run off impulsively and did what I felt I should do...I would have got hit instead.

There was another point in the movie that I believe God spoke into my heart with. Through a speech Rocky made to his son stating that indeed life is hard, and sometimes life is going to hit you hard and often, but its what you do when you get hit that matters. Do you lay down or do you go through it when you get hit? I realized that over the course of 9 months now I've been getting hit (some of which is a result my mistakes). I've been disrespected, ignored, and thrown away. However, I'm choosing to stand up, take the blows, and trust God to use every punch and kick that I've taken and make me into what He wants me to be.

The question I have for you is what choice are you making? When you get hit, are you moving forward through it with God holding your hand, or are you lying there taking a beating?

Under 200

When I left the service, I went through a time called,"separation anxiety." Basically without the Lord and on my own from the service, I didn't have a purpose. It didn't help that I struggled to find a job. I ended up deciding to go back to school instead and I also stayed home alot gaming and finding other ways to waste time. My wife didn't know how to deal with me and I didn't know how to deal with it either. I developed a stomach disorder called GERD, which is basically chronic heart burn and my weight had ballooned to almost 240 pounds when things got bad between us. Well the stress of the situation brought a weight loss of 35 pounds in a months, and ever since then I've stayed around 205-210 pounds despite not being able to eat the best diet. However, when going to see a doctor a couple weeks ago my blood pressure had dropped from like 135/90ish to 117/69. This morning when I stepped on the scale, my weight read 199 pounds! The Lord has granted me amazing health considering what I've gone through over the past 8 months. Its a blessing to actually say that. In spite of all the hurt and pain, He still takes care of me. He still takes care of anyone who lets Him.

About a Month

It really hit me over the past two days that my marriage will be over in about a month, unless of course, God intervenes. All the years together...in New Jersey, Italy, Maryland, and Ohio. All the places we visited...all the pictures that we took....all the memories we made gone. Despite all the pain I've been through since she left, and yes its time to admit (as if you couldn't tell by my words) the separation was her choice, I can tell you that I regret nothing about our marriage, even my mistakes. Why? Well, because God has taken the opportunity to bring me to him and build me into the man that I was always supposed to be. I still have hope for a wonderful miracle, but even if it doesn't its okay. I lost the love of my earthly life, but I was given eternal hope in a God who always will love me...for eternity. What happens in about a month is just a small point in eternity.

Alone

Sometimes it seems as though we face trials alone. When we feel alone, we tend to get discouraged by pretty much anything...from a piece of mail, inaction in life, or a thought about mistakes of the past. Thats been me for the past day or so. I got home from work with a piece of mail showing that my car insurance bill has gone up a whopping 300 dollars for six months because my wife finally pulled herself off the plan. I then spend the night in a lonely house where I go to bed early wondering where this life is going and thinking about where my mistakes have taken me. But yet, when I look back at the post I just wrote I remember that I'm NEVER alone. He's with me, watching me, caring for me, forgiving me where others fail to, and simply loving me. I don't know what my future holds. Its scary to face it now, but I'm not alone and I'm thankful for that. I know he's using this time to build me...I just need to stand with him. We are never alone.